So you decided to be an Evil Overlord you say?

Well, then that means you would need some practical advice. To which I gladly point you to Evil Overlords - A Guide To Survival.

For the last two hours I have been pouring over this site and I must say between trying to breath and laugh (thus causing a huge fit of sorting and stomach hurting), this is an splendid site. And you have to admit, when reading through some of these, you know they apply to your life in some way or another.

Some highlights of my favorites:

For the Evil Empress

• All my slinky sorceress robes will be worn with a chainmail foundation garment, at a minimum.
• I will remember to wear flats (or better yet, running shoes) while executing my evil scheme.
• Interrogations should be held in my bedchamber only if the Hero is completely nude. (This will, in fact, satisfy a number of objectives at once...)
• My Amazon Hordes will all be either dyed-in-the-wool lesbians or have a stable of comely, athletic men to keep them happy at home.
• If the Hero is an ex-lover of mine, I will remember why he is an ex-lover, and keep it in mind as I destroy him.
• I will wear breakaway clothing whenever risking capture. It will facilitate escape if I'm grabbed, and will distract the captor for those crucial seconds that it takes for me to escape and/or grab the captor's weapon.

For True Love

• I will never take a vow to marry only someone who can defeat me.
• When the Evil Overlord says that he was driven in his evil by my radiant beauty, I'll just kill him.
• If I absolutely must scream, I will use actual words with useful information. "I am being eaten by a shuggoth!" better enables the Hero to rescue me than does a simple, ear-splitting "Aaarrrggghhh!"
• Since liberated women are still allowed to have it both ways, I will not rule out using my womanly wiles to defeat the Evil Overlord. Even if it only works on supremely stupid bad guys, it never hurts to try.

Now that I have just giving invaluable information please keep me in mind when you take over the world. Always remember I make a great personal assistant/secretary to ANY Evil Overlord. My accounting skills are impecable.

(minus a few millions you won't miss... oops, did I say that out loud?)