Busy, but not for a reason apparently.

It seems that life has been dropping boulder sized hints about changing my life in various area. For starters, I have been given many tips, randomly, about job opportunities either in another company or just in a new field of work all together. There was a job posting someone told me about and I was very interested in it because the company that was hiring is one of those places where it would be a dream job for me. But the downside, it would mean moving and breaking all connects I have. After a few days of reflection and seeing the comments made to my Facebook status about this quandary, I applied. I doubt I will even get notice to interview, but at least I applied. One less regret.

Then as I start thing about my career, I started thinking about my life in general. I started about how happy I was really. Am I happy in my personal life situation? Am I happy with the things I do in my everyday life other than work? How can I improve things if I am not happy?

Then I realized I really wasn't really able to answer these questions. I realized that I never really thought about what happiness is. I have been trying for the last 5 years of life filling it with things to do, to keep me busy so as to NOT have to think. Just go, go, go, which apparently I am very good at. I started looking at all my hobbies (smithing, costume making, Guild Wars community participant, etc) and I think to myself, "How the hell do I have time for all this?"

I still don't know how I do all this stuff that I constantly pack it all in a day. I pull out my agenda on my phone and after looking at it, like really LOOK at it, I find that I barely leave any room to breath in a day. On one day I calculated that I left about 30 minutes cumulatively of spare time. Seriously?

So what does this mean? Am I a glutton for punishment or am I just trying to drown my sorrows with over accomplishment? Is this even a problem?


Sigh.