Dancing to sing between the storms of the seasons...

Breathing life into a party

2011-12-26T21:48:00.000-05:00

Sitting amongst people that you know, you still feel the cold comfort of being a stranger. The lack of commonality hangs heavy in the air despite the smiles and civility. Politeness reigns supreme mingled amongst the noise of empty, senseless chatter.

Weather, house remodeling, sports, laser hair removal, health of parents, 401k, the complication of erectile dysfunction medication.

Blah. Blah. Blah.

Take a sharp breath in and hold. Wait to start seeing stars. Count the stars as fast as you can and as many as you can. Then exhale. Repeat till you stop being bored.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Re-godamn-peat.

This is where you imagine passing out cold, creating a scene. Thud and sprawled out. Cut to shock and screams. Enter stage right - self made hero kneeling at your side, shaking you.

"ARE YOU OKAY?? CAN YOU HEAR ME?!?"

Insert shouts of direction laced with panic hinted with a tad of mania. Self made hero growing with authority.

On lookers no longer care about the Packers taking the lead in their division. The parental worry that their 15 year old son maybe having sex completely dead stops at their tongues. The level of humidity creating hair disasters during autumn is on the back burner. Cialis versus Viagra and the dangers of a four hour hard-on has little priority to the woman passed out on the floor.

You just created a dynamic event, breaking the tedium of everyone's unspoken barrier.

When you wake up, congratulate yourself. You just made life better, for everyone. Just for a tad bit.

Infinite wisdom from a drunken poet.

2011-12-25T15:14:00.004-05:00

“If you're going to try, go all the way. Otherwise, don't even start. This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives and maybe even your mind. It could mean not eating for three or four days. It could mean freezing on a park bench. It could mean jail. It could mean derision. It could mean mockery--isolation. Isolation is the gift. All the others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to do it. And, you'll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds. And it will be better than anything else you can imagine. If you're going to try, go all the way. There is no other feeling like that. You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire. You will ride life straight to perfect laughter. It's the only good fight there is.” ~ Charles Bukowski, Factotum

Mental Note

2011-11-29T09:55:00.001-05:00

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. One is a state of solitude, often with joy while the other is a transformative hell requiring a handbasket as a means of transport.

Thanksgiving, compassion and hope served with a side of heartbreak.

2011-11-25T23:20:00.000-05:00

This Thanksgiving, as with the previous years, I volunteered to work for a local Buddhist temple in their yearly tradition of preparing and serving food to the homeless/indigent/low income/foster children in the area of San Diego. This year the temple was donated access to a large catering kitchen though they were not able to secure a larger serving venue. So Thursday morning, I reported to the catering kitchen, bright and early, at 4am.

This year with some amazing donations from various grocery stores, the volunteer staff planned to create a 400 full Thanksgiving meal with dessert meals. Last year, the temple only got enough donations to make 200 meals and we were very sad to have to turn people away. This year, we are hoped to have enough to make deliveries out to those who could not make it to the temple and feed everyone that comes through the doors.

Many of the volunteers were regular volunteers to the temple's outreach services and pretty much were veterans like myself. This year the temple fewer new volunteers than it would have liked but managed with some the veterans doing double duty. This year, I was in charge of the ovens and preparing the food in to-go containers to be delivered out to people in the county of San Diego. Anything that gets baked, I was make sure it gets baked right and fully. So from 6am to3pm I was hustling pies, turkeys, roasted veggies, and bread like nobody's business. I had to watch ten ovens with ten corresponding timers, basting the turkeys at the right time, tossing the veggies around to make sure they get proper cooking, and not burn the heck out of the bread and pies. And I needed to make sure EVERYTHING was done baking 3pm. There was a long 15 foot stainless steel table in front of the row of ovens and there wasn't a point during the day where that table was not filled with large baking trays of stuff. And hour after hour, hot air in my face, burn marks on my arms, I hoisted what seem like metric-ton in weight of food in and out of these huge industrial ovens. When everything was done baking (an hour and a half later than expected due to one oven deciding to break down), I took a 30 minute break (apparently I feel asleep while checking my phone, only to be roused by a kindly monk offering me water) and then started to break down and portion the food out into to-go containers. After an hour of that, it was time to start preparing the food for transport to the temple.

At this point, I still had not left the kitchen (which was in another part of town from where the temple was) and had no clue as to what was happening in at the temple were they were going to actually server the food. I was eventually told that the seating area was filled up within 30 minutes of the doors opening at 5pm. And there was still people waiting outside to get in, with the line wrapped around to the back of the temple, near their back parking lot. When I found out, my heart sank, thinking we may have to turn people away again like last year. I got my coat and drove to the temple.

Tear ducts starts aching.

Hold it together.

At the temple, I finished helping the servers prep the food for the serving line. After what seemed like an eternity of slicing of the turkey, whipping mash potatoes, and cutting all assortments of pies, I finally was able to make my way to the serving buffet to help out with the serving of the food.When I walked into the dining area, I felt something stab me in the heart, causing me to dead stop to stare. The monks had found a way to arrange the long tables to sit a little more than 100 people in their small worship hall. And every chair was full. EVERY. ONE. Men, women, young and old, full families with babies and toddlers. Most of them were homeless based on the condition of their clothing and appearance. And all of them were eating very quietly. No words were heard spoken, only the sweet ramblings or giggles of a child here and there.

Tear ducts treating to burst.

STOP IT. Seriously.

I stood there for what seemed like a minute and stared. And I found myself clenching my hand so hard that its seemed as if I was trying to embed my nails into my palm. The recognition of the pain shook me from my staring at the dinning tables, forcing me to straighten myself and walk towards the serving line. I worked the serving line till about 7:30pm and the entire time, there was no lull in the flow of people. During the entire time in the line I had to force myself to stay focused, smile, and not even think a negative thought. It was the only time in my life I had to force myself to smile and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. At some point someone came to relieve me. But I found out as I headed to the back that more people were need to bus the tables, to remove the plates and silverware after someone was done, so that more people can be let in to eat. Instead of using disposable plates and utensils, the monks feel that everyone that is served food should be given real plates and silverware, as to fully feel the comforts of a real, home cooked meal. "They may not have a home but we should make their soul feel like it has a home when we can," as one of the monks once told me. So I grabbed a busing cart and made my way between the rows of tables.

As I made my way up and down the line, a few of the people stopped me to thank me. Not for cleaning but for the food, the warmth, the service. They looked me in the eyes and were so genuinely grateful for their food. And with every kind word, it was a fight to keep myself in painful check. As I was talking to a war veteran about what his favorite part of the meal was, a little girl comes running up to me, crash hugging into my right leg. I looked down to see an adorable little girl with big green eyes, a round faced with cherry pie filling still encrusted around her mouth, a disheveled head of hair, wearing cloths that don't really fit her. I gently pried her off my leg, ducked down, and asked her what her name was. She whispered that her name was Marie, smiled shyly, and said that she liked pie.

It was the first time that night I laughed. It felt so good to laugh.

Shortly there after a woman came rushed up to me, apologizing for her daughter's hug attack. As she picked Marie up, I looked at the woman's face and noticed she had a black right eye and bruising around her parts of her neck and face. I tried not to stare but she caught me doing so. She tugged up on her collar when she noticed me looking at her and walked away with Marie in her arms. As the mother turned to walk away, Marie looked over her mom's shoulder and waved at me, smiling. I waved back with my heart dropping like a stone to the floor.

Tear ducts rupture.

Oh, fuck.

With my eyes starting to water, tears brimming on the edge threatening to dive off, I made a short apology to the veteran. I bowed my head down, chin touching my chest, and pushed the busing cart as fast as I could to a corner. I abruptly left the dinning room, dashed through the corridors, through the temple's small kitchen and burst through a backdoor that lead into a parking lot.

I became a slobbering, heaving, asthmatic mess of a person. And I could not control myself to save my life. The tears would not stop but I was going to try to have the dignity to not make any noise. Oh help me if anyone found me this way. I lost all track of how long I was there crying but I was so preoccupied with crying that I didn't notice that one of the nuns coming towards me. She crouched down next next to me and attempted to hand me napkins. She stared at me and in Chinese asked me if I was okay. I just couldn't respond right away. I wasn't sure why but I just couldn't say a word. I couldn't even look her in the face. And to make things worse, this particular monk that found me, the wonderful soul that she is, looked nearly identical to my long passed mother. Ugh.

From any outsider's point of view, there was absolutely no reason for me to be crying and I felt so foolish for doing so. I was so embarrassed that the monk found me in such a condition. Yet, I was so overwhelmed with sadness. To see a hall full of people, eating at the temple because they didn't have a home to have Thanksgiving dinner. To see so many people just without and in need just broke me. And I felt so helpless at the same time because as much as I was helping to feed them that night, I couldn't do a damn thing to help them tomorrow or the day after that. I couldn't help a little girl like Marie and her battered mother.

The nun just stared at me for a few more seconds and said to me in Chinese, "Every year you come and help and every year one of the monks find you crying. This year, I found you. Why do you help if it makes you so sad?"

I actually stopped and thought about it. Every year, it becomes instinctive for me to volunteer for the temple during Thanksgiving and every year, I end up crying at some point but it was never this overwhelming. Maybe because I overworked myself even more this year. Or maybe I'm just to embarrassed to answer her.

"I really do not know," I told to her in Chinese between snivels and breaths.

She smiled at me and laughed a little at me, which really took me by surprise. I gave her a questioning look as I wiped my eyes. But in her gentlest voice, she thanked me for be a good soul, got up and walked away.

...

It's been nearly 24 hours since, and I am still emotionally raw from this. I am still saddened by what I have seen and now I am slight angry. I am angry at the world that so many people can be without food or a home. In a country as rich as this one, there are still people that go hungry every day. And the more I think about it the angrier I get. And yet what I can do to help barely scratches the surface, to improve the lives in a significant amount of people. And now that I have had more time to think about it, I think I have come to realize why I cry every year for the last four years. Every year, I volunteer to help because I want to give back to those that are not as fortune as I am. And every year, I am always reminded of how unfair this world can be and how so unbalanced society is. And the foolishly hopeful part of me also wants to see less and less people show up each year, showing me that the world is getting to be a better place.

I look back at my blogs to realize that this is the first time I have written anything remotely around Thanksgiving. And now I know why. Every year, its the same sadness I experience. Only this time, I made note of it. Maybe someone will read this and help me do something about this. Maybe someone will help and do a small part to change the homeless and needy in their area. And maybe, just maybe, someday I don't have to volunteer just to cry my eyes out.

Need a laugh?

2011-11-22T17:32:00.001-05:00

Busy, but not for a reason apparently.

2011-11-14T21:19:00.001-05:00

It seems that life has been dropping boulder sized hints about changing my life in various area. For starters, I have been given many tips, randomly, about job opportunities either in another company or just in a new field of work all together. There was a job posting someone told me about and I was very interested in it because the company that was hiring is one of those places where it would be a dream job for me. But the downside, it would mean moving and breaking all connects I have. After a few days of reflection and seeing the comments made to my Facebook status about this quandary, I applied. I doubt I will even get notice to interview, but at least I applied. One less regret.

Then as I start thing about my career, I started thinking about my life in general. I started about how happy I was really. Am I happy in my personal life situation? Am I happy with the things I do in my everyday life other than work? How can I improve things if I am not happy?

Then I realized I really wasn't really able to answer these questions. I realized that I never really thought about what happiness is. I have been trying for the last 5 years of life filling it with things to do, to keep me busy so as to NOT have to think. Just go, go, go, which apparently I am very good at. I started looking at all my hobbies (smithing, costume making, Guild Wars community participant, etc) and I think to myself, "How the hell do I have time for all this?"

I still don't know how I do all this stuff that I constantly pack it all in a day. I pull out my agenda on my phone and after looking at it, like really LOOK at it, I find that I barely leave any room to breath in a day. On one day I calculated that I left about 30 minutes cumulatively of spare time. Seriously?

So what does this mean? Am I a glutton for punishment or am I just trying to drown my sorrows with over accomplishment? Is this even a problem?

Sigh.

This is for you.

2011-11-04T23:23:00.001-04:00

You know who you are.

Why I have pink hair and support cause like Pink Day In LA

2011-10-31T00:00:00.000-04:00

I remember the day my mother told me that she had stage four cancer.

My mother had asked me to pick her up from the hospital where she was seeing a few doctors about some abdominal pain and swelling she was having. Since she did not hot have any health insurance, so she was given the standard run around for about 4 months until she was given Medicaid. During all this time she was jaundice, bloated, and always complained about abdominal pain. When she got the medical care to find out what was going on, she was diagnosed with liver cancer. (A month after the initial diagnoses of liver cancer, it was determined what she actually had was pancreatic cancer that had metastasized to her liver, lungs, and stomach.)

She blurred it right out. She wasn't crying. She wasn't overly emotional. She just told me she had cancer like she was telling me that she had a hair appointment next week.

My first thought, "Wow, she's gonna die." I was stunned, shocked, and lost all sense of reality for about 30 minutes, which was the length of the drive to her house.

During our drive home, we didn't say a word. Not a single word to each other. It was the longest and most painful silence I have ever experienced in my life. What do you say to someone who knows she is dying?
For the next year and a half, my mother was on every Chinese and modern medicine regiment to keep herself alive. She knew she was gonna go but she was gonna fight to stay alive as long as possible and be as happy and fulfilled as possible.

But during that year and a half, I saw her deteriorate before my eyes. The cancer had metastasized in her stomach to the point where she could no longer eat solid food because the tumors were inhibiting proper function. So the doctors had to put a shunt into her stomach followed through with an an externalized feeding port into her stomach. That still didn't bring get her down. Instead, asked me to buy her a $600 industrial blender so that she can blend anything she wanted and push it through the port (She blended a freshly grilled steak and a side of veggies, no joke). But she still went though the whole notion of going out to Dim Sum with me on occasional Sundays as we normal do for our family get together. Even thought she couldn't eat anything, she would quietly chew on something very small and then turn away politely to spit it out into a napkin.

When the doctors finally stopped giving her any medication that may prolong her life and just gave her papers for her to choose which hospice care she would like, she handed them to me. "If I get that bad," she said to me. "Then I probably am not be alive enough to care. So you choose." And she said all this with a nonchalant manner.

There are countless other details I witnessed in my mother's fight to stay alive as the cancer ate at her. But one thing she always had, she had some serious fight in her. During her illness, she went through two hurricanes by herself (one of which was Katrina that eventually devastated New Orleans), refusing to seek shelter with me. She got fired from one job because they found out she had cancer. So she went and looked for another one and she worked at that place till about 4 months before her death. She was pretty much happy and fighting till the day she passed on.

So for the entire month of October I dyed my whole head of hair pink in support of Gaming World Entertainment Network's Pink Day in LA event, raising money for breast cancer research. I was a walking neon sign screaming very loudly "HEY LOOK AT ME WITH THE BRIGHT HAIR!" So when stopped me on the street to compliment my hair, I took the small opportunity to raise a little awareness for breast cancer.
And I did it because I remember my mother and her fight. I remember her strength and her love of life. And most of all, I remember my anguish of watching her die. As long as I live, I will support legitimate cause to end cancer. Any cancer. Because I never want anyone else to watch their mother, father, sister, brother, husband, wife, children to die cancer. Cancer can be defeated. I know it can.

Quote of my life

2011-10-30T15:01:00.001-04:00

I found this quote while reading an biography of Eleanor Roosevelt. It pretty much hit the nail on the head about my source of happiness. It kind of makes me realize that no matter how many times I get taken advantage of through my acts of giving, I never stop. Because it really makes me happy.

"Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give."

Traveling makes you think...

2011-10-27T22:45:00.003-04:00

Working in Tacoma for a 36 hours and for the last 20+ hours, being in Washington state really made me think the following things:

I really need to travel more. I need to really find a way to merge work with travel. Now that leads me to...
It may be time for a severe career change. I have been working in my current industry for 11 years. Not really burned out yet but then again, I am going no where with it. But I still really love what I do. Then it leads me to...
Maybe I need to find a way to transfer to a facility in another state or hell, even country. I would LOVE to work in Edinburgh

Then as I got off work for the night I walked through Tacoma and I realized that would have been a perfect moment to share with someone. Someone you are really into and they would enjoy it just as much as I would.

Cue self pity.

Exit self pity.

Which then lead me to...

I need to find love again. Real love. Not just settle. Smart love. Intuitive love. Genuine love. Self less love.

Cue dreams.

Thank you Tacoma for the lovely thoughts.

Well hello stranger...

2011-09-10T00:40:00.002-04:00

Hey look, its been almost a year and a blog post. But at this point I am so sure no one is reading it so I can start blabbering like a merry go round.

It has been nearly a year and since my last post was about gw-en.com, I might as well as start there. Yes, I am still an on air host there and have since been promoted to Station Assistant Manager. Quite proud of that really. I love the organization, what it stands for and what it does. I am sooo glad I applied a year ago. It really has turned out to be one of the best things that has ever happened to me. It has made me see thing differently on what it means to be part of a gamer's culture as well as what it really means to be part of a gaming community. And now with the stations next charity event, Pink Day in LA, coming up next in a month, I am super excited!

I am still gaming like a rabid animals. Within the last year I have repicked up City of Heroe/Villians and even dipped back into Aion. I picked up some new ones like Rift (didn't stay long on that), DC Universe Online (meh), Star Trek Online (got a free copy of the game and 60 days game time), and League of Legends (still not sure about this PvP thing).

Along with gaming and working ridiculous hours, I am still managing to read 4 books at a time. Trying to read 100 books by the end of the year. As of right now I have read 65 books. Let's see how that goes.

Was working on costumes for most of the first half of the year, mostly for other people. Made one for myself and it turned out awesome. More on that later. Also made special pieces for the radio station and that turn out really awesome as well. More on that later as well.

Now that I have rediscovered my blog, maybe I will take the time to update it.

Or maybe it will sit here and collect dust for another year and have no one read it.

Maybe.

DJ for GW-EN.com

2010-10-29T03:45:00.003-04:00

As I said in my previous post, I applied to be a DJ for an online radio station named Gaming World Entertainment Network. It's a radio station dedicate to the players of a MMO named Guild Wars and its related gaming community. The station's mission is to promote positive in-game interaction while promoting the game itself and on occasion raising money for charities such as The Canadian Cancer Society and the Red Cross.

And shortly after my interview last Sunday I was hired.

My first show is coming up this weekend, on Halloween weekend out of all the times to start. My show is from 7am to 10am PST and its called Necromance with Lady Gallo (yes that is my in-game name). So even if you are not a playing on Guild Wars, tune in and let me know what you think.

Decided to pick up a part time hobby job

2010-10-21T02:29:00.002-04:00

So I discovered a online radio station that caters to Guild Wars players and after listen to them for a few weeks and participated in one of their events (they held a charity event that connected players with a charity drive and they raised over $11,000 towards the Canadian Cancer Society) I decided to apply for a volunteer DJ job.

I have an interview with them this Sunday.

I am pretty excited about the prospect of being a online radio DJ and combining that with my love for Guild Wars.

This should be pretty awesome.

*crosses fingers*

Moment of the Day

2010-09-30T23:23:00.002-04:00

Guy: Are you serious about not going to the baby shower?
Me: As serious as a stab in the face.
Guy: O.O
Me: With this pen.
Guy: *backs away*

Jane Austin's Fight Club

2010-09-20T00:34:00.002-04:00

I absolutely ADORED this.

Want me to make a costume for you?

2010-09-11T22:39:00.003-04:00

To those of you reading my blog trying to find out information on how to commission me for costume work, thank you for visiting my site.

I am no longer accepting orders for costumes for Comic Con 2011. There is not enough time in this form of reality for me to complete any more orders. The total count as of right now is 20 costumes and none of them are for me. Sorry folks, no more orders. No exceptions. Please understand that I work a full time job and only have so many weekends to complete costumes. As much as I love making this stuff, I really don't have the time.

Some of the costumes I will be doing: Cardcaptor Sakura, N7 Armor, Cerberus Miranda (loyality), Kasumi Goto, Thor, Tron Siren, Tron cycle suit, DA2 Hawke (cover armor), Noir Spidey, Vampire Knight (this one is a set of 5 costumes because they want to do the masquerade), and others I can't remember right now.

If I happen to complete all these costumes and I still have time to accept more orders, I will post a note saying so. Otherwise please respect my policy. No matter how much money you wish to offer for a costume, I can not accept any more commissions.

Thanks!

Climbing on my Soapbox: Captain America The First Avenger Movie

2010-07-21T20:43:00.004-04:00

When I was a child of 7, I discovered my first comic book and fell head over heals in love. And I mean in hard core love to the point where I still carry the torch to this day. The comic book was Captain America Issue #289. Captain America was my world as a child to the point that for a small portion of time, I actually thought he was an actual LIVING human being, a protector of America and an actual symbol of America (I was only 7 years old so give me a break and that thought lasted for about week or so till someone popped that bubble). But still to this day he holds a special place in my geek heart.

Then I came upon this quote in the LA Times blog, from the director to the upcoming Captain America movie:

"We're sort of putting a slightly different spin on Steve Rogers," said Joe Johnston, whose past directing credits include "Jurassic Park III" and "Honey, I Shrunk the Kids." He's a guy that wants to serve his country, but he's not a flag-waver. We're reinterpreting, sort of, what the comic book version of Steve Rogers was."

Furthermore:

"He wants to serve his country, but he's not this sort of jingoistic American flag-waver," Johnston said. "He's just a good person. We make a point of that in the script: Don't change who you are once you go from Steve Rogers to this super-soldier; you have to stay who you are inside, that's really what's important more than your strength and everything. It'll be interesting and fun to put a different spin on the character and one that the fans are really going to appreciate."

Whoa.

Whoa.

WHOA!

Okay, stop it right there Mr. Johnston. From these quote alone, this does not sound good AT ALL for the film. What is it about Captain America/Steve Rogers that you NEED to reinterpret? How is a 'spin' going to show movie goers who Captain America is? Do you know that Captain America as is can stand on its own enough to capture an audiance? Do you know how much of a potential FAIL you are speaking about here?

Okay let me back track a bit. For the last two years, all these movies that were created to build up the Avengers movie were in most part (about 90%) supported by die hard comic book fans. As my great friend Gary says "Do it right and fanboys will pay". Iron Man did not need to be reinterpreted and neither did the Hulk and from the look of Kenneth Branagh's Thor there is really no spin or reinterpretation. So why do you have to do it Captain America? Hell, let's deviate outside Marvel; Have you seen The Dark Knight? Did Christopher Nolan reinterpret Batman? No. I don't think so.

When a director/producer/actor/writer says they are going to reinterpret something that means the following things:

1) They have absolutely NO CLUE as to what the subject matter is. They have no in depth knowledge of what the subject is, what makes the subject exist in the fan realm, or have any interest in finding out. Instead, THEY want to create what the image of the subject should be and in this case it shows that the director has not picked up a Captain America issue in his life.

2) They are not creative enough to bring to life what has already been created. Therefore they have to mold it, i.e. reinterpret, in a matter that they can bring it to life as THEY see fit.

3)They feel that the subject matter is boring and reinterpreting it would make it more exciting.

Whatever the reasoning Mr. Johnston has for doing his version of Captain America, just be warned. You have the absolutely the greatest potential of making this film failing in a very EPIC way. And if you do, the fan boys/girls will forever curse your name. In most cases you are playing with a person's childhood memories and cherished symbols. Tread with care or it will cost you in ways that you can never fix.

A scorned pissed off fan means the poor house for you.

You have been warned Mr. Johnston.

It finally hits me...

2010-07-21T00:40:00.003-04:00

So while browsing the internetz, reading a blog about some dude's opinion about living in San Diego, I finally figured out what it is about the personality of this place that I absolutely hate.

"I really enjoy the laid back lifestyle of San Diego..."

DING!

I really hate this laid back lifestyle. I am a fast paced human being and I UTTERLY hate how San Diego and its people work. This place is really for people to vacation and NOT to live here if you ever have a really get-go attitude.

No wonder I look like the hardest working person at work. Everyone is WAY to laid back about things. Now that I think about it, it really explains A LOT about people that I know and knew.

Fuck, that genuinely means I have a actual reason for hating certain people. Well, that's a relief.

I am a god amongst mere mortals (just kidding, its a Anchorman reference but it kind of applies here).

Okay back to life... faster.

One hell of a 4th of July

2010-07-04T22:21:00.002-04:00

So I finally moved to a much better apartment living in a much better neighborhood. Very very happy about it. But before the joy must come the pain.

So I spent the last 5 days packing everything. And I mean everything. I somehow agreed to a deal with my roommate that if he and his friends moved everything (his stuff and mine) and got it to the new place, all I had to do was pack everything and clean the old apartment to the fullest possible extent to get as much as the deposit back. And behold he makes good on his deal. Everything, and I mean the whole caboodle, is moved into the garage. And now I will spend 12 hours clean the old damn place.

Damnit.

But I have to say all my friends and my roommate's friends did a kickass job. They got everything moved and stored in an hour and a half. And it took me 5 days to pack everything. I wonder how long it will take for me to unpack everything.

So for the next week I not only have to work during a short week, I have to sleep in a utterly gutted apartment and then actually get to be in the new apartment midweek.

And I officially only have 12 hour of actual vacation time to enjoy.

Let the shopping commence.

To any of my friends reading this: Love you all for your help. Seriously.

Hat and Hair for the Edwardian Outfit

2010-03-27T18:39:00.003-04:00

Just got the wig today and in 5 minutes worth of styling I got the look I wanted. Worn this around the house for about an hour and it felt comfortable. Best $30 spent on a wig. The hat still needs a feather or two but from the neck up, the look is done.

Just a few more things need to be done and my outfit will be complete. I should have everything done by Thursday.

*crosses fingers*

I am about to fucking die...

2010-03-19T21:25:00.003-04:00

So back on March 13th, I stumbled upon a convo thread about what should Leverage fans be called? Star Trek fans are called Trekkies and Firefly fans are called The Browncoats. Well, I made the following twitter post:

"@CindyD1000 Since #leverage fans have apparently "fallen" for these con artists & their "plots & schemes", shouldn't we be called "Marks"? "

Apparently Dean Devlin got a hold of that answer and replied:

"@AtheniaAnimus I like it but you KNOW it's just going to go to Shepard's head! :)"

Well apparently "Marks" have caught on enough that iFMagazine made this post today:

"Should "Marks" be the name for #Leverage Fans? Add your own and see what wins at #ConCon http://bit.ly/cFqkW0"

It would rock my world if The Marks catch on as a fanbase name!

Turning into a Gibson Girl

2010-03-18T22:54:00.003-04:00

During the late 1800 to the early 1900, this was the "in" look:

The image on the left is the more "sporty" look, for those walkabouts on the beach, lawn parties, the afternoon croquet match, etc... The image on the right is the more formal look. And the center image is the quintessential image of the Gibson Girl.

So for my friend Greg's Birthday Croquet Tournament, I have created the sporty Gibson Girl outfit for myself to wear. But since I don't have the long hair anymore to create the hair look, I am gonna try to pin it up and stuff it under a hat.

Once I get the hat and shoes, I will post pictures of the complete outfit.

Let the sewing and metal bending BEGIN!

2010-02-26T23:56:00.001-05:00

As a shanghaied member of the League of Gentlemen Adventurers, I am obligated to its very persuasive (if not downright awesome) members to attending their First Annual Invitational International Croquet Tournament and Symposium.

Well, not really obligated but it just sounds downright fun! And in honor of the event I will be making two Victorian period correct outfits just for the event! And on top of that I will be making jewelery to be sold at the event.

As for the outfits, I am not sure if I will be making a one piece dress using calico print or should I make multiple pieces that can interchange and reuse for other purposes. I was thinking about making a Gibson blouse using white cotton, a twill walking skirt in a brown or tan color, and a vest of some sort. Of course going to need a nice walking hat or maybe a parasol but that should be easy enough. And because of friend of mine is going as well, going to have to make a man's walking outfit. That's going to be a bit hard since I have never, ever made menswear. Going to be doing a bit of research before I get started next week.

Going to make some necklaces and earring to sell at the event but going to make steampunk or Edwardian style jewelery. Oh I am going to be living in Michaels for the next month LOL!

For those reading this and are living in San Diego, please attending if you are interested. There is a $10 fee to particiate and I suggest you leave a message on the LGA website post if you want to attend. The event is limited to 40 people so make your intentions known now.

Uncle Sam screws me over. Again.

2010-02-22T21:14:00.002-05:00

Time for taxes again and like every whole hearted American, I hate doing them. I hate doing them not because I hate paying them (well I do hate paying them and how much I have to pay them simply because of where I live but that is a whole other rant all together) but I HATE the stupid fucking penalties that I incur.

One huge penalty, not filing taxes jointly with my separated husband. I have choose this year to not file with him because of the 1) the hassle of actually cashing the damn check and 2) the amount of jobs he has had in the last year that could cause the final price of the filing to be more that what I actually get back. Why in the fucking world is it a damn penalty to not file together? Do you really think it promotes marital harmony because it forces us to?

Yes I know that there is a lot of things I 'don't get' in tax laws but you have to admit, taxes are getting ridiculous.

When I look at my paycheck, I am on the verge of tears every time. Out of every paycheck nearly $800 is gone towards state and federal. Seriously?!?!

Ugh.

It was never this bad when I lived it Florida.

It's motivating me hard to save for my move back.

The Day After Chinese New Year

2010-02-15T23:05:00.004-05:00

No rest for those who were overstuffed on the Chinese New Year festivities. I had to go to work for a half day today and since I had some cash remaining I decided to take a step forward towards my new year's resolution. Went to Mission Valley and realize how fucking hard it is to find a good pair of running shoes for women. Why is all the sports apparel geared towards men? An example of what I mean? Well in Mission Valley there is a about eight different shoes stores; one of them is a Foot Locker and they sell only men's athletic shoes and the rest of the shoes stores are casual or dress shoes stores. Apparently there was a Ladies Foot Locker but it has been closed. Now, as I walked around the mall I realized all the stores that are geared for women's footwear sell only dress shoes. There were no stores geared for women's athletic shoes. Sure, Sports Chalet was there but they women's athletic shoes selection was half the size of the men's selection.

So this leads me to believe two things: 1) women in mass are shallow and only genuinely care about how they look but in now way are interested in fitness or 2) companies are molding women INTO shallow human beings and teaching them your looks are important and your health and level of fitness is really not.

Seriously, how the hell do you expect to wear those awesome patent leather stilettos with rhinestones embellishments if you are 250lbs?

Yeah, by the time I found a decent pair of cross trainers, I was pretty much disgusted with the mall.

Oh, recently I developed a love for nail polish. Been getting manicure for a while but I just love wearing different nail colors. I have to admit its totally not like me but I don't know where I am getting this infatuation with nail color from. So while shopping I found something called Nic's Stick by Opi. It's nail polish in a stick form and all I do is press the top it and it dispenses the nail lacquer. I got three, tried and and found it really cool and handy. The colors are pretty, they dry fast and its really fast and easy to use.

Okay enough girlie shit.

As for the Chinese New Year festivities, it will have to wait because the San Diego chapter of The League of Gentlemen Adventurers document the whole dinner party and will post it on their adventuring blog. Will provide the link once it is up.

Back to baking... Here's to hoping that the co-workers will like it and appreciate it. If not, fuck them.

Valentine's Day is for suckers and motherfuckers

2010-02-14T10:30:00.003-05:00

The first thing I posted this morning on my twitter and facebook is a wish of Gung Hay Fat Choy which translated from Chinese it means "Best wishes and Congratulations. Have a prosperous and good year."

Then some boob on twitter that I don't even know message me "Hey, what about V-day, all the love and stuff?"

And now my rant on about Valentine's day... You have been warned.

The people that I love and I genuinely love them, I let them know everyday but on any other day than on Valentine's day. Because if you truly love them you should love them every damn day for the rest of your life till the day you draw your last breath and die. And you tell them every damn day that you love them. On Valentine's Day is the day I tell all the people I hate that I really fucking hate them because they are as fake and pathetic as Valentine's Day. Commerical, generic chocolate in heart shaped boxes just screams of minimal effort. And the sad red roses that is picked up at the supermarket says more about death than love (80% to 90% of the mass roses sold on Valentine's day are the same type of cheap, mass grown roses that are use in funerals). If you read about the history of Saint Valentine, there have been a few of them, they were all Christian martyrs that died for not for love but for religious purposes. And please, don't give me the bullshit about how the current Valentine's Day is a modern reinterpreted version of courtly love. For fuck sake, courtly love lore existed around the time of pandemic disease that wiped out millions of peoples. Of course you have to chase people to have sex with you cause your life expectancy back them 20 to 35 years of age if you are lucky enough.

So, to the sad, pathetic man or woman who walks out the supermarket with those half dozen or dozen roses that were on sale, try a little harder tomorrow to say I love you to your beloved. And then tell them every day after that how much you love them.

To all those corporations that make a stupid amount of money on this day, why don't you show your love by donating all of your profits from today's sales to the Red Cross or Partner in Health or Doctors without Borders so they can help those who need the showing of love in Haiti. Put your fucking money where your mouth is.

And to all the people I hate: The following says it all. Happy Valentine's Day.

New Year, New Things

2010-02-14T00:26:00.003-05:00

Well tomorrow is the Lunar New Year and with all things new, plans and resolutions are to be made:

- Get fit; not just loose weight but to be healthy. Eventually I want to get fit enough
to be doing barefoot running.

- Save money to have a substancial amount to move back to Florida in 2011.

- Work on letting things go in regards to items. I need to stop collecting things.

I think if I can achive these things I would be a better person.

Gong Hay Fat Choy!

The end is fucking nigh and it's gonna be alright.

2010-02-06T00:52:00.003-05:00

I was asked the following: "If and when the end of the world were to happen on December 12, 2012, at that moment would you be okay with the thought of your life ending, feeling that you were happy at what you have done with your life and what you have up to that point?"

The most immediate answer that came to me, without a slight hesitation, was that I would completely fine, even happy, and at peace with my life ending on December 12th, 2012. Now that is not to say my life has been roses and daisies. I still think that I am living on the western side of Hades at this point. But when I think about what I am doing now, where I am at in my life, I am actually okay if I were to even get struck down tomorrow. I would not be sad nor angry that life was cut short.

I feel that even thought that life has been hard and more full of crap than awesomeness, I nonetheless lived a life. A life full of events, experience, turmoil, love, pain, sadness, betrayal, and unconditional love from animals. I find myself thinking as much as my personal life has been utter crap, reflecting on my horrifically poor life decisions, there was one thing I was always blessed with: working in a field that I truly love. I actually love what I do, including the long hours, endless pain from repetitive movements, shitty moronic co-workers but when it come to my actual job, the care I give to tiny little four pawed creatures, it makes my heart melt. My work in the last ten years, despite all the downs with it, has been amazing. I have learned so much from my work and continue to learn that its so wonderful to be constantly challenged.

It's because of the fact that I have one ONE thing that I love in life, my career, is the only reason why I would be more than okay with the world ending tomorrow. Because I actually found one thing tangible and meaning that has added something in my life. Yeah I bitch about my job but that doesn't mean I don't love what I do.

So yeah, bring on the end of the world. I am ready to stare you in the face and let you end it with a smile on mine.

New Year, New Craptastic Crap

2010-02-04T22:39:00.003-05:00

So its a month in to the new year and it's already a roller coaster.

The bullshit...

At work there is someone sending me harassing and threatening emails. Though I know for a fact who it is, the management will not fire the person because they are afraid of being slapped with a wrongful termination suit even though this person is merely as tech one. Nonetheless the emails have continued. Now normally I can ignore emails but when they start threatening my life and they are using my work email to bother me, I am completely and utterly pissed off. Instead of sending these pathetic, weak and chicken shit of emails, confront me in my face. I will gladly walk 100 yards away from the company building and lay your fucking ass out.

So if you are the fucking retard that is hiding behind your email account, step out and step up. And I will show you how much of a fucking bitch I am.

My regular PC just took the biggest shit of it's life. Somehow I (or the motherboard) blew not one but two graphics cards. Now when I turn it on, it just beeps at me. Continuously. Not sure if I want to build a new one or just buy a new computer.

Damn good thing I am buying a 3G iPad when it comes out. I totally need a new laptop. This one is just not cutting it. And please, don't give me shit about it coming from Mac. I love Mac. They are the future of portable computing.

The great shit...

I am working on loosing weight and so far I have lost 10lbs, thanks to the help of my friend Tom the new health and fitness guru of my life. Next step is to get a bicycle and start biking my heart out. That will have to wait till the tax return comes in .

Chinese New Year is in a two weeks and I am totally excited about it. It's going to be the one day I am going to be off my new eating routine to pig out. Nothing like traditional Chinese food to get me going.

Right now, I am knee deep in Xbox gaming and man, I am loving it. Playing between Oblivion, Assassin's Creed 2 and Mass Effect 2. And the winner: Mass Effect 2. Oh the storyline is just amazing. The devs really paid attention to the writing of both the dialog and the story. The cohesion between 1 and 2 are seamless and so well done. And playing this baby on a HDTV is pure fucking joy. And the best part, they gave Joker more lines! "Yeah, go pout. I win."

I also started to study for my LAT and am taking a class for it. And it made me realize just how much I need to study. I hope that this class will help me pass the class and get me a nice check for passing it.

Bitch more later, back to studying.

One more thing, I had dinner with RDJ and his wife last night. I had a total fucking blast and can not belive how awesome they are. I am so lucky to have had an arguement with him! But the best part about dinner, Tila Tequila apparently was there and was sitting a few tables away. At some point she walked by our table and under his breath RDJ said "Wow, she even looks more like a whore in person. Who knew." LOL!

Epic.

When life gives you lemons... you wipe the slate and start over.

2009-11-26T19:02:00.002-05:00

Recently I filed for bankruptcy and just last week I got the Notice of Discharge. What that means is that for the next 7 to 10 years, my credit is fucked. But I don't have any more credit cards to pay and all companies that were suing me now have to go away. I'm happy about that but now I have to stay debt free and remain that way while trying to build my credit back.

With that burden gone, I have decided to have a change of lifestyle. I cut my hair to change my look. I taken away certain piercings and added a few others. And I have decided to become Pesci-Vegetarian. It's only been a week and a rough week at that (my roommate made steak and eggs for breakfast and I could smell it in my room) but I held on. I made this decision because I really didn't like the way I was feeling physically and that in return affected me mentally. So no more red meat, chicken, or pork. I still wanted to remain eating fish because, let's face it I can't live without sushi. I can't fully become vegan because I can't live without eating cheese. But Pesci-Veggie I can do. And so far so good.

Now I have to work on my weight and then plan my next goal.

Assassin's Creed Lineage I Video

2009-11-15T12:32:00.001-05:00

If you know me, you know that I am huge gamer. Assassin's Creed II comes out Tuesday and this is the official backstory video to the game. I am really posting it here so that I can watch it later. But if you want to watch it, that's cool too!

Video Game - E3 2009 - Video Game Trailers

Thank you Nine Inch Nails

2009-09-11T14:16:00.003-04:00

Thank you for all those years of phenomenal performances and for being so generous to your fans. Your music has made a huge mark in this fan's life as well as a source of comfort and familiarity.

Thank you so much for everything.

I'm NOT dead!

2009-09-04T22:17:00.002-04:00

Hi.

No. I am not dead though there are days where I wish it.

Yeah, I haven't blogged since March. Would you like to read why?

Let's start off with working two jobs followed up by working nearly 10 to 11 hour days in one job (STRESS) and having the other job on weekends only(LACK OF STRESS RELIEF). Add in the fact that I am filed for bankruptcy (STRESS) and I live in a god forsaken hell hole (HOT DESERT STRESS) and I am moderately agoraphobic (CAN'T LEAVE THE STRESS).

In short, I am stressed.

How are you?

I am going to blog more, even its means fucking complaining.

2009-03-17T17:20:00.003-04:00

I decided that I am going to try to write more and by writing more I mean venting more. And by venting more I mean I am going to use this blogging thing to speak my god damned mind.

First of all, let me make this absolutely clear: I am fucking hating life. Therefore if at your own stupid indulgence you want to continue reading, so be it but all you are going to get is angry fucking bitching. Got it?!? Good.

Now its been a while since I blogged here or anywhere that matter so I am going to have a lot to bitch about.

First case to be brought forth and scream/bitch about: the house full of idiots and incompetents that I call "my job". I just the bunny ears because that is what I call it lightly.

When I first started working here, I loved "my job". I've always loved this field of work and I think it will be pretty much what I do for the rest of my life. Now the problem with "my job" is that I work with fucking retards, self involved morons, and 'holier than thou' imbasiles. I will not be using names but will go forth and bitch about it.

I have one idiot who gave me the wrong order to put the wrong medicated food in the wrong fucking unit. I ask this idiot 4 times yesterday if the he was sure if that was the right place to put it only to find out today that it was the wrong one. Further more as if I didn't have enough to do, I had to go back and remove the medicated food and get another set of medicated food and put it into the right unit. Now to you this may not seem like its a big deal but for someone like me who has a fuck-ton of other things to do in one day, this little damn incident set me back 30 minutes in my normal work routine. And this fucking idiot had the nerve to make jokes about it to me during lunch. God, I wanted to rip his fucking face off.

Then there are the 3 people that I like to collectively call "The Nosey Bodies", each individually called "Fucktard", "The Stereotype", and "Miss. Betterthanyou". Each of this asshats love to collective gossip and spread vicious, nasty gossip. And all three of them think that they don't make it obvious when they MAKE IT SOO FUCKING OBVIOUS (as in 'I am standing right here listening to you talking about me' obvious). Furthermore one of these gossipmongers "Fucktard" also has a sub-nickname "Stinknose" because how it loves to kiss ass by being a complete tattle tail on every little thing it over hears in gossip or sees. This particular person once complained to a supervisor (the man has the patiences of a saint and a tolerance of a monk) that one of the techs on the floor was heating up all the food for his relative's lunch. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? You are going to complain about a tech who has clocked out for his own lunch and was using both microwaves to heat up his lunch and the lunch of his relatives that work there when NO ONE ELSE was using the microwave???

Again, rip the face RIGHT OFF.

Let's see what else: the attention whore that just will not stop with the whole "oh, look at me, poor little o'me", the simpleton of a maintaince guy who can't get jack shit done cause he won't stop fucking talking to everyone and their mother and it is affecting everyone else's work, the everlasting asshole tech who just will not shut up and every five fucking minutes I hear its voice all the fucking way across the damn building, the passsive agressive son of the bitch that acts as if everything is okay with every but in reality is taking things out on people around him.

Oh, then there is this son of a bitch called The CRL Insider that is emailing me about shit I don't care about and is utter non stop with the fucking emails. Ugh.

Yeah, and this move to San Diego was suppose to be a GOOD THING?

Ugh. Back to hating life.

I'll have more to bitch about later.

Going through my really old stuff...

2008-11-28T20:04:00.003-05:00

So I finally took the time to go through this very old box that is falling apart on me to try to figure out what was inside. When I opened it up all it contained was paper, little bits of paper, scratch paper the size of a table cloth, regular sized paper, color construction paper, and just about everything in between all of it old, yellowed, stained and wrinkled. When I looked at the paper I realized that there was writing on it. All of it had the same style handwriting, some of it faded in pencil, others in sharpies, markers and ball point pen. Then I realized these were the scrap writings of my bestfriend Colin, who has been dead since 1999. As I sorted through them I came across this bit that just really left me... well... unnerved for a lack of a better word.

"Today, I'm gonna face a demon head on with righteousness at her side, guns in her hands, until mercy is cried. Let it be my mercy, my soul in need of mercy that cries..."

I guess because I don't know what the context of the line is from or from what situation it came out of, it creeps me out. But I find it interesting none the less.

Blabbering again... Sorry.

Conflict and Denial

2008-09-01T04:39:00.002-04:00

I always find myself saying "I just don't know what to do..." But someone made me realize that I do know what to do, its just that I don't want to act upon it.

I am finding myself to be in a serious self-conflict; the one situation that I am in brings both the most wondrous form of happiness but at the same time tremendous about of pain. Yes, that can happen and I am living it in about 80% of the time. The 20% is the denial of it or pretending that its not there, nothing is happenng, everything is fine.

This form of happiness is nothing I have ever felt in my life, the joy of it sometimes brings me to tears and sometimes makes me do the stupidest, if not silliest, things. It can also sometimes blind me to make me appear even foolish. And the worst part, it involves my heart. That just means it something I can't control. But this happiness has no permanence and it like a rare cool breeze in the Sahara: its only feels good when it comes your way but when it heads towards someone else, you cry for its return.

When I don't have this for of happiness, it cause uncontrollable pain. Normally I can usually hold out or work through it but for some reason this time around it leaves me weak. And it makes me cry. Ridiculously.

I know that in the end I will have to let this happiness go if it continues to bring me such pain. Because at some point it will break me to the point of beyond measure, leaving unable to feel the happiness, just leaving me sad, angry and possibly bitter. Either that or I really, really learn to live and deal with the duality of this. Take the happiness with the pain without breaking myself.

As you are reading this you could be saying to yourself "What the fuck is wrong with her??" And to be honest I don't expect anyone to understand. This is a personal conflict. I only write this so that some how sort out as I am writing this.

But even in writing it still doesn't sort out or help me find the courge to do what I need to.

Back to square one.

The week has just begun...

2008-08-26T17:06:00.003-04:00

So for the first time someone called me something other than a bitch to my face... a curmudgeon. "But minus the old man part..."say this person at work to me.

Well I have to admit, I kind of like it. It's a whole hell better than being called anything else in the sailor's dictionary.

And now the downside realizations so far:

Work is sucking the life out of me, even when I am not at work. I spend way to much time at the facility and when I am not there, it somehow follows me home.
I have come to the conclusion that I am surrounded by a great deal of stupid people, immature people, and downright pathetic assholes in both work and my personal life (whatever personal life I have left). And no Felixx, you are not part of any of categories before you get all outraged and indignant with me.
I am a light weight drinker and god damn it sucks when you try to crawl into a bottle on a Monday night to try to come to work on a Tuesday morning.
I have come to the conclusion that hating work because it serves a purpose to world. It is the natural soul sucking process that everyone and I mean everyone must endure to make in order to give some perspective in life. If there was no work, then everyone would utterly love life and if everyone loved life there would be a whole lot of fucking. And with that much fucking there would be even more over population than there is already which means that you would have less of a lot of things: food, air, source of energy, etc. So think of work as a way to regulate the human emotion and in the grander scheme of things, regulating the world so that you don't suffer more than you have to.
I play way too much City of Heroes. How much do you say? Well, I have one Healer that has reached Level 41... in less than a month. Seriously, shoot me.
I like Rihanna's music. No seriously, shoot me.
I can't bring myself to call people. Hell I can't bring myself to even leave my apartment for anything other than work.

Blah.

The first thing I say every morning is "Fucking Crap."

2008-07-29T13:09:00.002-04:00

I say this because every night I go to bed praying that I will not wake up the next morning.

Fucking Crap...

Every goddamned morning...

Life is crap but I still have my eye..

2008-07-03T22:04:00.000-04:00

Use it as wallpaper as you wish...

3 weeks out of sync with life really sucks....

2008-05-25T19:40:00.002-04:00

So for the last three weeks I have been stupidly ill. And to make matters worse, I had to work while I was ill because the company I work for does not take kindly to those who are are sick. I was coughing incessantly at night to the point where I was not able to sleep. During the day I had cold sweats and high spiking fevers through out the day. I basically felt like I was rioting from the inside out. I went to the Downtown/Hillcrest urgent care twice and both times they insisted it was viral and gave me nothing but cough syrup that was suppose to knock me out. Well it didn't work at all and all it really did was make me throw up.

After 3 weeks I decided to go find a primary care physician. FINALLY someone diagnosed me properly: walking pneumonia, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. Because the pneumonia had gone longer than it should, I have developed asthma.

Awesome.

So now I am on antibiotics, two types of inhalators, and a cough syrup that is soooo thick that I have to chew it. But I am on my way to recovery.

So today I decided that I was well enough to go for a walk and decided to go drop of half of the rent check at the old apartment. When I got there I looked at the front window of the apartment and there was good o'Kaiser sitting on his perch sleeping. I slid the check under the door and looked back up at the window. This time he was awake and looking at me. But he wasn't reacting. Normally when he sees me at the window he would walk down to the side closest to me and start rubbing up against the window with a few meows for good measure.

But I got nothing.

I waved at him, said his name and smiled.

And I got nothing.

He just looked at me like I was a total stranger.

I tapped lightly on the window and said mouthed his name again.

He just sat there, staring at me like he didn't even know me.

Needless to say I walked away from the apartment broken hearted. I guess this was bound to happen. This is what I get really.

He is not my cat anymore. I never cried so hard in my life.

When you are sick, you go find videos to amuse you...

2008-04-26T18:07:00.002-04:00

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

Corporal Cuddling LOL!

Don't read this if you are looking for Roses and Daisies.

2008-03-14T22:12:00.002-04:00

I have pretty much come to the conclusion that my life is extremely unfulfilled and just down right pathetic and sad. Sure I am in a self created hole but I would figure by now with the therapy and the drugs I would be going on the up swing.

No, not really.

I've pretty much destroyed whatever happiness I could potentially have because I can't get out of the rut I am in. I walk around in my skin, in my life pretty much a drone. I get up, go to work, work my ass off, go back to my room, eat and sleep. Rinse and repeat. I avoid people at all cost and I just don't care about much. What I do care about are the stupidest things and I am making a great deal of stupid decisions.

Most of all, I feel so out of place. I feel like I am making all the efforts in the wrong direction but somehow that is where I want to go. I feel unappreciated by my job and by life in general. I feel like I have spent so much time, money and effort to be where I am now only to find out its not where I want to be and how much it sucks to be where I am. And now I am enslaved by it. I feel like I have lost everything that defined me only to enslave myself in a ideal, a vision of something that is not real. In this life there is no substance but rather a vapor of what something.

I know what I am doing with my life is wrong but that is what I want to do. It's the only thing I feel I should do. Because everything that I have done so far that is suppose to be right has gone wrong.

I told you this is not Roses and Daisies.

A new Lunar Year...

2008-02-12T23:12:00.003-05:00

So its been a very long time since my last real intimate post. There is a reason for it but I am not going to go into to much detail.

My life right now is at the very bottom of what is possibly the deepest crevasse I have ever faced. This crevasse is for the most part of my own making and the rest is created by fate and life itself. Mentally I am not in the best place hence why if most of you have tried to call me or contact me, I have not answered. Please understand that I know I have friends out there who are reading this that love me and care for me. But there is nothing you can do for me. I have not returned your phone calls nor answered your emails because I simply don't want to talk about this large invisible elephant that is my life. I avoid all of you not because I hate you or don't want to talk to you out of spite. I am not in contact with you because I don't want to talk about what is going on with me and spare you the shitty details of my life.

All I ask is that you guys please understand that I need a great deal of time to sort my life and mind out. If you are my true friends who know me well, you will understand and give me the space I need without feeling insulted. And if my lack of contact pushes you away permanently to the point where you will never talk to me anymore, then maybe its best we don't have a friendship.

This is not the most positive post but at least I posted.

Who knows when I will post again.

Okay, picture this...

2008-01-19T03:37:00.000-05:00

First of all... watch the following video. The first half of the video may seem a little boring but wait for it.

Algorithm March, with Ninjas!

Okay, now replace he ninjas with STORMTROPPERS!

I really gotta find a way to make a video of that. It would absolutely rock.

My mind is shot to hell...

2007-12-01T02:05:00.000-05:00

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	73%
Accommodation	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Religious	\|\|	10%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Conflict seeking	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Wealth	\|\|	10%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|	16%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Sexuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|	16%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Physical Fitness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	24%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Indie	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality test by similarminds.com

Wow, another month later post. I suck at this.

2007-10-23T00:03:00.001-04:00

So okay I have been busy, shoot me. No seriously, shoot me.

It has been crazy at work between stupid people and drama and chaos that is my life in general. First off to those non-San Diego friends, if you have been watching there are several huge wildfires happening here but we are safe. The environment is kinda of shitty (poor air quality, somewhat difficult visibility, and the town itself thinks its the end of the world) and even when you are indoors you can't escape it. But we are fine and will be dealing with this for several days. Apparently its going to get worse.

Also, El Mister and I have been doing a great deal of events with the 501st Legion and the San Diego Star Wars society. We did a show in LA at Sony Picture Studios and this past weekend participated at a charity event in Scripps Ranch Farmer's market. We also did a gig for the San Diego Weird Al Yankovic concert. This coming up Saturday we maybe heading up to LA to be part of a British based TV show is going to a feature about Star Wars and their fans. Still up in the air but trying to get the last minute details. I have been putting my Jedi outfit to use and people have been really impressed with it. Starting in January I am starting my Jawa outfit and hope to have it finished in time to submit to the 501st before Comic-Con 2008. *crosses fingers*

But that is just the more exciting bits in an otherwise dull and mundane life.

So watch this video and have a laugh.

Bad Pussy

Yes, its been too damn long. No I didn't die. Kinda.

2007-10-06T21:25:00.000-04:00

I know, I know. I suck at updating my blog. Life is both the suck right now and exciting at times all rolled into one. I can't keep my head straight most of the time.

So here's an update with photos. Check this out:

Uh, that's right. It's a Jedi costume. I made it in 2 days and one night. No, seriously. Look, more:

Yeah, with a classic cloak. Made that bitch in 6 hours from pattern to finish. All I can say it, I like to thank my beloved sewing machine.

So what is all this for you ask?

Well last week El Mister go invited to do a performance event at Sony Picture Studio and I attended a rehearsal meeting with him just so he didn't bitch at me for not supporting him in his hobbies. Somehow during this meeting I end up agreeing to participate in this event. Now I had said previously that I was going to make a Jawa costume ( I still am just haven't started due to complications with stuff) but I don't have one or any Star Wars costume. People involved in the performance said that they would lend me some of their garb. But as we were heading home I felt the urge for a challenging coming on. The next morning I was at Wal-Mart buying patterns and fabrics at a dollar a yard. And the next thing you know... Ta DA! I love a good challenge.

So the event is tomorrow in L.A. and I am almost finished. I need to hem the cloak and that is pretty much it. El Mister created that belt for me from the left over leather I have from making my Jawa Bandoliers. It's not movie authentic but damn close enough and really functional.

Yes, I still intend to make a Jawa costume. Only the goal is to finish it by Comic-Con 2008 instead of Halloween. Looks like I will be a Jedi for Halloween this year.

Yeah, I am totally excited about this!

A great voice now slienced...

2007-09-07T02:04:00.000-04:00

It's nearly midnight and I just found out that one of the greatest tenor voices of all time has died. Luciano Pavarotti died today from pancreatic cancer. I am just stunned. Out of the Three Tenors he was the only one that I never got to see live in person. His voice was without comparison to any modern living singer.

My iPod will be filled with his voice for the next few days.

This is one of my favorite performances of his.

*sniff*

Yeah its been way too long...

2007-08-03T21:41:00.000-04:00

Okay since the last post I have done a few things:

First off, mothereffing COMIC CON! Here are all the glorious pictures for you all to view.

Damn that was sheer madness. And not to mention way too much money spending. But it was all worth it and I don't regret at damn cent I spent. And as a result of ComicCon, no only do we own a few more collection items then we have room for but the old man and I have come up with two new costume idea that I will at least be wearing for the next year or so and he... well... He is going to be wearing it a long damn time.

The mister decided that he is going to go all out and assemble a Star Wars Stormtrooper costume. That's right all of it in its ABS plastic glory. Me, well... I am going to be making my own costume. I am going to attempt to make my own Jawa costume. Uh huh, a stolen droid trafficing Jawa. Yeah, its going to be dorky and awesome at the same time.

Now this whole Jawa costume thing comes perfectly timed when I just re-discovered the joys of a sewing machine. It all started when the facility maintance man at the place I work asked me to stitch on a few Harley Davidson patches for him on his leather vest. Lo-n-behold, I have a new hobby.

Now I need someone to teach me how to read and work from patterns and I will be totally set.

SPOILER WARNING: DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ THE LAST HARRY POTTER

2007-07-22T02:53:00.000-04:00

Start time: 9:45am
Finish time 11:53pm

Four words: I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!!

When I finished reading The Half-Blood Prince, I wrote somewhere on a HP message board that I theorized that Severus Snape was in fact a double agent and secretly a good character, he was secretly in love with Lily Evans (aka Lily Potter, Harry's mother) and was doing everything that he did in the name of his love. Needless to say I got seriously shouted down for that. Hard.

God damn if I could only find that posting I would sooo fucking post a link here.

I must say I applaud Rowling for boldly crafting that aspect of Snape into the storyline. All this time building the antagonistic feel to him, giving him the vileness that pervaded through the whole book till this wonderful nugget of light at the end.

And let me tell you when the book revealed it all, I cried a little. I cried at how beautifully written it was and how fucking right I WAS! It just made me love the character even more. Evil with a heart. Gotta fucking LOVE that. Chapter 33 will be forever my favorite chapter in this whole entire series.

But I gotta say, all the deaths in the end chapters seriously sucked. Ugh, that's another crying fest.

I just can't get over how awesome this book is as a final chapter in the HP saga. The finish was satisfying; it leaves you content with the story as a whole but a little sad at the same time. Well done, JK Rowling.

But I have to admit, I am going to miss the anticipation that I always get for a new book.

As a former WoW addict, I can still laugh at this!

2007-07-19T22:19:00.000-04:00

Backstory:

Okay, so some girl in real life that played WoW died and all her online friends and acquaintance decided to hold a memorial service to her on the game. But they made two mistakes: 1) holding the service in a PVP zone and 2) announcing it on several messageboards. The results are for your viewing pleasure.

Trashing a funeral, World of Warcraft Style:

The body count at the end is seriously funny! And the sad part, people really got angry over this! I mean hate letters, curse your mother, eat your babies ANGRY!

Sorry, but it hilarious to me!

A Video Induced Blog.

2007-07-16T23:06:00.000-04:00

WARNING: The following post is not meant for anyone that has anything less than Cable internet cause I will cause your computer to lag or bog down. Also, do not eat, drink or snort anything while watching any of these videos. It will cause more pain than is called for. Ready? Okay.

This is for my co-worker Wes:

This is for all my nerd and geek friends, specifically male ones:

Via: VideoSift

This is for anyone that can appreciate a good commercial (I would like that thank Joey Bagadonuts and his 'supa ninja powas' for this):

And this one is just too good to leave out:

Okay, I really need to slow the fuck down...

2007-07-16T00:13:00.000-04:00

First of all, yes I am way too tired, my hair is hard and sticky (get your damn mind out of the gutter it's just Mega Hold hair gel from last night that I just could not wash off because I did not have the right shampoo) and I spent way too much money. Okay well not really on the last part. I planned that out properly.

Labyrinth of Jareth was just spectacular! The costumes, the characters, the live performance were really, really awesome. Found two new L.A. based bands that have a new place in my iPod. One is called Brother and the other is A.M. Pacific. There was some incredible live performances from Desert Sin and Aerial Terril neither of which I have seen before.

As for the ball itself, its format is pretty much a night at Club Sabbat only its at a huge three level theater and people with way cooler costumes! Some where just downright outrageous and then there were the people who just didn't even care to put any effort into it. Instead of me blabbering on about the trip and the event I am going to let the pictures speak for themselves a little bit: CLICKY CLICKY here to see all good, bad, ugly, and magical!

And yes that is me kissing Bob's Big Boy. I have another picture of me kissing a Bob's Big Boy in Talmadge, Ohio and this is going in with that one in the collection box.

Enough about that... On to bigger things. First of all, the final Harry Potter box comes out at Midnight on Saturday morning on July 21st. And guess who is going to Borders in Mission Valley just to get the book? *points to her chinese self* Yeah, that's right. And I am not ashamed of it. Hell I may even wear my Hogwarts school robes and the house scarf to the event. YES, that's right, I own that stuff. Save the name calling when you see me in person. It's more fun that way when I point out your geek-isms as well. So the question remains, who wants to join me?

Why do I feel a LOL coming on?

And since I am getting the book that morning, please don't expect me to leave the apartment all weekend since it will take me till about Sunday night to finish it. Sorry if I don't answer your phone calls or accept you invites out. The possible death of Harry Potter comes first!

Another matter: COMIC CON! Well someone was gracious and delightful enough to get me tickets for Saturday (I fucking love you even more now) but seeing as to how awesome it can be I may go on Sunday as well. And the tickets are cheap that day as well so I can totally do it. But Felixx is working that day so I am seeing who else is going Sunday so that I can join them as well. Who's going to Comic Con??

Okay, enough for tonight.

Lost Mythbuster Segment

2007-07-13T19:38:00.000-04:00

Okay, I know that in the UK Mythbusters are very popular and I also know the television in the UK is very... Relaxed so to say.

Well here is a segment of Mythbusters that was never and will never air in the US due to its content in nature. It's originally from the episode entitled "Fact about Flatulance."

The segment is called "Do Girls Pass Gas?"

"Can I get this microphone out of my butt??" BEST line EVER!

I have to do all this by FIRDAY???

2007-07-08T21:58:00.000-04:00

Okay so while doing our everlasting D&D game this Saturday, Beth got a text message on her asking if she knows anyone that wants to buy two tickets for the Labyrinth of Jareth Masquerade Ball in Hollywood next Saturday. And of course most of the people around in the game already had tix and are going. They all turned to us and eyed us? Guess what happened next.

We are going to this sold out event.

Now the mister has his outfit already with the exception of a mask. He is wearing his wedding outfit that is utterly perfect for it. I will work on getting or making a mask for him in the upcoming week. Now for me, not soo good.

The dress I wanted to wear for it does not fit because of my damned things on my chest. Yes, those things! Ugh. The one time I don't want them to be large so that I can fit into something. So with that being noted, I have utterly no idea what to wear. Till I went shopping with Brangela today at Michael's and got totally inspired to create my own costume. And its going to be something I have never done before.

I am going to attempt to make and be a Woodland Elf/Druid/Fairy for this ball. And I am going to basically make this costume from scratch. I already have the headpiece for it. Now I have to get tons of plastic foliage of assorted colors, pointed ears, make a staff, and get ready to glue and sow like there is NO tomorrow. Thank goodness the wonderful and talented Angela is going to make a skirt for me. This should be really interesting if it comes out well. As the costume progresses, I will post pictures on here.

If the process of making this thing doesn't kill me first.

When Pandas go Wild

2007-07-03T20:35:00.000-04:00

Panda Prison Break

The other one was probably thinking "HEY! WTF about me?? HEY! HEY!"

BRAAAAAAINS!!! (Now with Video)

2007-07-01T00:45:00.000-04:00

Okay so this Saturday was suppose to be a nice quite Saturday at the Del Mar Fair because I have to work Sunday.

By 11:30 Saturday morning, all of our plans changed. Why? Because on Friday night I found that someone was organizing a Zombie Walk at Balboa Park for Saturday night (A huge THANK YOU to Brandan for sending a bulletin out) . If you have no idea what a Zombie Walk is, click on the Wiki link.

So most of that morning and part of the afternoon, the Mister and I drove to Buffalo's Breath and to AMVETS Thrift Store and got our themed zombie costume together. Then we spent the rest of the time at Brandan's house getting the costume and makeup ready for the walk. The results? See for yourself.

Happily Undead After! This is just a photo of us. You can see the rest of the photos here.

The turn out was so amazing in numbers that it even surprised the organizer of the event. I think there was a good 35-45 people there. Members of the press where there including the San Diego Union-Tribune. And they have VIDEO of us moaning and shuffling around the park. And all the on lookers that were suprised to see us took pictures and video of all of us. Don't be surprised if you see us on YouTube. At one point as I pasted by this lady who was on her cell phone she was overheard her saying, "I just got here to the park looking for the party and a bunch of zombies just past me!"

As for our costumes and make-up, its all Do It Yourself. I woke up this morning determined to have a theme for our costumes and the whole zombie bride and groom hit me as we were getting ready to go out and buy the make up. Originally we were just gonna go as regular zombies till the idea of getting a wedding dress at a thrift store hit me like a train. Everything you see on us clothing wise we picked up at AMVETS and it fitted us perfectly. The tux the Mister is wearing was in excellent condition, fitted him perfectly and was stupid cheap. It was kinda bad that we had to ruin it but its going for a good purpose. The wedding dress is a size 14, 2 sizes too big but with a few pins it worked out fine. It came with a veil as well as the headpiece. All we did was tear it up and add the blood. Since the clothing was in such good condition and we took care on how we shredded it, we can totally use the outfits again. The make-up was from a ghoul kit we got a Buffalo's Breath and we applied it ourselves. The wounds we made ourselves using liquid latex and face paint included in the kit. We spent a total of $80 for both of our costumes for everything.

The next Zombie Walk is going to be on that Friday afternoon of Comic Con. They are trying to plan it so that it coincides with George A. Romero's presentation and Felixx and I are going to try to make it to that.

I had a total blast and can't wait to do this again. I want to see what kind of pictures and story the media have now. So keep your eyes peeled on the SD Union Tribune for us!

Gaaaaah! BRAAAAINS! (And OMG BECKY!)

And now for some video clips:

zombie walk - the living dead at balboa park!

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Can you guys who is leading the pack of zombie in their dance? I will give you a cookie if can guess correctly!
zombie walk - thriller practice

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This is what happens when I watch too much of one show...

2007-06-24T01:03:00.000-04:00

What does Carol do when she watches an all day marathon of The Deadliest Catch?

She insist on having dinner that very same night at Joe's Crab Shack. After about an hour's worth of wait time for a table, I ordered the largest crab meal on the damn meun; a huge plate of King, Dungeness, and Snow legs. Oh my fucking god it was worth the wait, it was sooo delicious. And no I bowed out on having a bib. Wearing a bib is for the prudes and the kids. Yeah sure I wore my nicest dress to eat but who cares. I still made it out with only one small spot on it.

Let me back track a bit. When I first started watching this show, I vowed to never eat crab again because I felt guilty that these guys are out there putting their lives at risk for my eating enjoyment. And I just didn't feel right supporting that. Then a friend of mine, Gary, pointed one thing out. They are out risking their lives to make money (stupid amounts of it by the way) so... go out, eat the crab, and support them. And as I watch the marathon today, that kinda dawned on me. And it didn't help that crab caught on the show is about the size of a five year old. And it looked really tasty with lots of butter and lemon. So yeah, that's how it progressed. Thanks Gary.

Now, I must admit I really enjoyed the meal. And what make the evening even better was when I saw this fitted t-shirt:

No, seriously it's awesome enough that I needed to own it. And if you don't see the humor in why I should own such a shirt, then you don't know me too well.

I still can't stop laughing when I look at the shirt.

D&D, Knitting and a very naked Bear Grylls

2007-06-18T00:34:00.000-04:00

On Saturday I experienced this formulation: D&D(Level 6 Elf Sorcerer) + Knitting(Dungeon Crawl with SHITLOAD of traps and no Rogue) = Temporarily supending the game at 12:10 am Sunday Morning.

And I knitted the whole time I was playing. I was kniting so much that we worked it into the game. Seriously funny when my char was at 12 HP, bleeding all over as she was being thrown over a horse's backside as she continued knitting.

Yeah, knitting. Ball and yarn and really sharp arrows.

Sunday was an all day marathon of Man vs. Wild. After watching all of it I have four words to describe Bear Grylls. Major fucking BAD ASS (If you eat a recently dead Zebra completely RAW that was killed by lions no more than a few hours ago while in the middle of Northern Kenya, that makes you a bad ass in my book). And if you read his biography, you will think so as well. He also has a updated Blogspot blog. And I must admit, after seeing that man take everything off for tv including his undies (though they did blurred out his, you know... bits) in a few episodes, he kinda hott.

Just a tab bit.

Okay, back to reality and another work week.

This won't last long...

2007-06-14T22:09:00.000-04:00

No seriously, you will NEVER see this on TV and it may not last long on YouTube.

But god damn its awfully hilarious!

Hello my name is Carol and I am an Audiophile

2007-06-13T00:58:00.000-04:00

Or should I say an iPod Addict?

Less than a year ago my music listening was basically restricted to what was being played on the Clear Channel Radio or what I can find on Pandora or WebDJ or whatever cd I collected at random or of my favorite bands. And the listening times on lasted about two to three hours. Now, its basically my work life about 8 to 10 hours of my day. Now less than a year ago I would have laughed at you if you asked me if I owned an iPod. Now I own two, a shuffle and a nano. One is for running and the other for everything else.

All because of the job I work at now.

What I do now for a living is pretty repeaticious and monotonous. Day after day the hours seem to go on and on without end and an hour seems like infinity. When I first got my shuffle and loaded my first playlist, the day just went by faster than I can blink. Now with about 400 songs at my disposal my work is like nothing to me. When I put on my earbuds, I go on happy autopilot. And if I accidently happen to leave my iPod at home, it's an automatic BAD effing DAY for Carol. It's a dependency that I am happy to have and continue to have. But something else happened.

I rediscovered my love for music.

I realize more and more everyday that I don't just listen to anything. I've started to get specific and its dictated by the day I am having. And moods start colliding with the style of music. Sometimes I find that my music choices shape my mood and vice versa. I also find myself searching for new and interesting music on the web. Hell, I would say I crave for new music. Looking at amazon's recommendation lists, iTunes recommendations and music associated lists. Now when I get home, I search for music. And when I listen to a new potential addition to my collection I listen with an extremely open mind and eager ears. And sometimes my memory gets jogged and I go find old songs from the old days.

When was the last time you heard Pet Shop Boys' West End Girls? Or The Fugees' version of Killing Me Softly?

It's been a while, hasn't it?

PS. Now listening to I Am Where It Takes Me by Black Light Burns

Awesome Shits and Giggles

2007-06-09T13:08:00.000-04:00

How It Should Have Ended...

Give it a click and I can quarantee that you will have a few laughs.

Also, check out Angry Little Girls.

There is one that is JUST like me. Can you guess which one it is?

And a quick note on the music front, Wes Borland (the only interesting band member of Limp Bizkit to ever do something decent) has a new band named Black Light Burns and they just released their first album. I highly recommend you pick up a copy and give it a listen. It's a nice mix of Stabbing Westard, NIN, Queens of the Stone Age, and Portishead all rolled into one delicious disk. I've liked it so much that I have ready gifted it to several people.

Okay, back to being an audiophile.

Uh Huh and....

2007-06-06T08:20:00.000-04:00

Where have I been? Not around much only because of 12 hour work days and being out of my mind about my life.

All the surface aspects of my life are grand; great job even though I work my ass off, wonderful marriage, and all the Mythbusters I can stand to watch. But as of late there has been a bit of a test to my will and heart. And apparently my opposition is winning.

Let me explain.

For most of my life I have lived with the mentality that all those who I consider my friends, true friends, are in essence my family. It has been said that the friends are the family of the 21st century. And I hold that dear to my heart. And as of late I been realizing how truly I have been living by ideal when I start loosing them. Since leaving Florida I have lost a few people that I considered good friends due to conflicting issues that just can't work themselves out or just a matter of my distance from them. And as more people are leaving my circle of friends, it has really started to affect me.

Today was the nail on the coffin.

Without going into to much detail on this public forum, there was once this wonderful soul that I came to embrace as someone I truly care for and was considered one of my dearest friends. He was there for me at one of my most painful points of my life. And as of today, in my heart I lost him. Though it may not have been throught his own intentional act but nonetheless the act that he did commit has basically cut him from my life. And it saddens me a great deal to know that through everything that I have been through with him, he still did what he did, betraying me. And to me, what he did equates to betray.

It just breaks my heart that another has fallen out of my family tree.

If you are that person and you are reading this, just take these last words as my final: Take care of yourself, your toys, and your passions and life. And I hope you enjoy the company of your new friends. Bye.

So you decided to be an Evil Overlord you say?

2007-05-22T01:00:00.000-04:00

Well, then that means you would need some practical advice. To which I gladly point you to Evil Overlords - A Guide To Survival.

For the last two hours I have been pouring over this site and I must say between trying to breath and laugh (thus causing a huge fit of sorting and stomach hurting), this is an splendid site. And you have to admit, when reading through some of these, you know they apply to your life in some way or another.

Some highlights of my favorites:

For the Evil Empress

All my slinky sorceress robes will be worn with a chainmail foundation garment, at a minimum.
I will remember to wear flats (or better yet, running shoes) while executing my evil scheme.
Interrogations should be held in my bedchamber only if the Hero is completely nude. (This will, in fact, satisfy a number of objectives at once...)
My Amazon Hordes will all be either dyed-in-the-wool lesbians or have a stable of comely, athletic men to keep them happy at home.
If the Hero is an ex-lover of mine, I will remember why he is an ex-lover, and keep it in mind as I destroy him.
I will wear breakaway clothing whenever risking capture. It will facilitate escape if I'm grabbed, and will distract the captor for those crucial seconds that it takes for me to escape and/or grab the captor's weapon.

For True Love

I will never take a vow to marry only someone who can defeat me.
When the Evil Overlord says that he was driven in his evil by my radiant beauty, I'll just kill him.
If I absolutely must scream, I will use actual words with useful information. "I am being eaten by a shuggoth!" better enables the Hero to rescue me than does a simple, ear-splitting "Aaarrrggghhh!"
Since liberated women are still allowed to have it both ways, I will not rule out using my womanly wiles to defeat the Evil Overlord. Even if it only works on supremely stupid bad guys, it never hurts to try.

Now that I have just giving invaluable information please keep me in mind when you take over the world. Always remember I make a great personal assistant/secretary to ANY Evil Overlord. My accounting skills are impecable.

(minus a few millions you won't miss... oops, did I say that out loud?)

Wow, I actually had a weekend...

2007-05-20T23:55:00.000-04:00

So its been a while, I know.

You have no idea what kind of hell it was the past week at work. It made me more greatful for this weekend to have arrived. And as such I did three things that I enjoy the most, rest, play Guild Wars and take photos.

Here are some for your viewing enjoyment...

These baby boars have the awesomest coat pattern. It looks like flames and if you look at their ears they are really streamline and pointed.

Bai Yun, one of the pandas at the San Diego Zoo.

Silverback Gorilla at the San Diego Zoo.

Now if I only had my SLR, I would do nothing but spend the entire day there taking photos.

And now for something... oh fuck, it's another work week coming up.

What did the hand say to the face?

2007-05-04T01:01:00.000-04:00

SLAAAAAP!

Okay had to get that out of the way. Had that stupid joke in my head the whole fucking day.

So now after a $20 Urgent Care visit, codine laced cough syrup, Z-Pack antibotics, I am SOOO much better. But I am still coughing a tiny bit once in a while. Back to my perky bitchy me.

In other news, we finally got a new bed. More like Felixx with the common sense convincing me the money pinching cheap wife to finally fork over something for a new mattress. And we got ourself a $800 Serta something that is extremely FIRM. Damn it's like heaven for my back. And since I was going to spend THAT much on a bed, I went ahead and bought myself one of those TempurPedic memory foam neck pillows and again, HEAVEN. I never in my whole life want to just crawl into bed every day and just want to stay there. Let me tell you, parting is a very sweet sorrow when my alarm wakes me up in the morning.

All thanks to my other half for covincing me.

Now he is going to attempt to build a bed frame for the new bed. I gave him 3 days to come up with a design and if it is doable for him, a week for him to build it. Or else I am going straight to IKEA and getting a damn frame.

Okay, bedtime. *does running dive onto the pillow*

Comic Geek having an awesome laugh!

2007-05-01T20:05:00.000-04:00

Best thing this week to make me laugh! Feel free to save it and enjoy!

Two words...

2007-05-01T00:12:00.000-04:00

Bronchitis Sucks!

But luckily this time I have med benefits to cover the Urgent Care visit and the meds. It still sucks having a cough while 10mm plastic is in front of your face. Ugh!

And along with the cold comes the unavoidable fatigue-but-you-can't-sleep-cause-you-are-coughing-your-brains-out.

Yeah, I want to be over this.

Me and a faire

2007-04-24T01:22:00.000-04:00

I spent most of Saturday getting ready my outfit for the Renaissance Faire and then actually attending it with some of our dear friends.

Clicky clicky for all the photo glory.

In terms of my outfit, the fan was made for me a birthday gift by Brandan (he's the dashing gent in the photos with the lovely Angela) and the beading on my dress was had done by me. If I had more time I would have beaded the skirt in pearls as well as more of the bodice. I will definitely add more once I get the dress clean. And next time I am adding a ruff to the outfit to make it look even more like a noble's outfit.

I may even get the dress dashed up a bit more in time for a visit to SoCal Renaissance Faire.

We shall see.

In the meantime, the future is looking bright for Labrinth of Jareth (possibility if the funds will fall into place) and ComicCon. If I do go to Labrinth I already have an outfit with a mask. Its something I have had for years and it still looks awesome. As for ComicCon, the costume possibility are endless. But one I am seriously considering dressing as is this little doll from a collection called Little Apple Dolls and I have nearly all the stuff to dress as Oneris:

The only difficulty would be the veil. I would have to be freaking HUGE!

My other ComicCon consideration for costume is dressing up as Lt. Sharon 'Boomer' Valerii, the Cylon that is allied to the humans. I can get a replica of the uniform without any issues but it would mean I would have to dye my hair to the right shade of brown and get my bangs cut short.

So again, we shall see.

In my head, it always sounds right, therefore it's right.

2007-04-18T01:43:00.000-04:00

The above subject line is my favorite quote of the day spoken by a true bullshit master by the name of Gary. That line itself kept me in a spiritual blonde moment for about 10 seconds so I have to give it some kudos.

So yeah...

My birthday is on Friday. Yes, folks I know. It's also International Smoke Out Day (you have no IDEA how many times I have had pot head friends give me Mary Jane for my b-day thinking how hilarious it would be for me only to have them smoke all of it at my party), Hitler's Birthday (once on the morning my of birthday I woke up to find myself looking in the bathroom mirror to find that someone had painted a little Hitler mustash on my face when I was sleeping. It really wasn't had to figure out who did cause I was sleeping NEXT to the at-that-time boyfriend. I broke up with him the next day), and the aniversary of Columbine (OMG don't even get me started on that fucked up shit).

So as such I will be working most of the day cause three people are taking that day off from work and I can't possible take the day off or even call in sick. Oh woe is me, right... whatever. Therefore I am planning on doing a dinner and a movie thing with a few friends. Anyone up for Thai food and Hot Fuzz (the movie you perverted dig bats). The movie comes out on Friday and man I am all over it like white on rice. And even if it means I am going alone then so be it.

So, anyone wanna join me so I don't have to go see it alone?

RIP Kurt Vonnegut

2007-04-12T01:34:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite writers of the 20th centery died today. And I have to be honest, I'm actually a bit sad about it. One of the rare authors who's books not only enlightened me as a human being but kept me kind of sane in the darkest parts of my life.

My favorite quote from God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater:

“Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It’s hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It’s round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you’ve got about a hundred years here. There’s only one rule that I know of, babies — ‘God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

Easter and its associated humor

2007-04-09T01:11:00.000-04:00

First a joke from our dear friend Alison:

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

Be patient, it may take me a while to get hard... I just got laid by a chick.

No, seriously, that was better than the pirate joke. C'mon!

And now, for a youtube moment:

Soooo wrong, but soooo funny!

Okay I have to blog this...

2007-04-06T00:35:00.000-04:00

So today when I was at work, I got extremely tired and agrevated doing some inventory and I said something that reminded me of a joke.

I must thank Gary for this (I much rather kick his ass for it but whatever).

A pirate walks into a bar with what appears to be a captain's wheel shoved down the front of his pants. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the steering wheel?" The pirate replies...

"Argh.. it's driving me nuts."

Yes, roll your eyes. But I KNOW for a fact that you are laughing somewhere inside.

Music in a new direction, a new mind set.

2007-04-04T23:22:00.000-04:00

As many of you may or may not know, I am a huge Nine Inch Nails fan. And as I am sitting here typing this blog, 14 days before the offical release of the new album Year Zero, I am listening to it via a live stream on their site.

Now for those of you that haven not been following along with the announcement of the new NIN album, here's a bit of the backstory. Back in Decemeber 2006/January 2007 (maybe even further back than that), small tidbits were released about the album and as the days and weeks rolled along, so did the information. Then clues to the album started appearing on T-shirts sold at the European concerts. The clues on the shirts lead to these obscure websites, phone numbers, voicemail message, and more cryptic messages. And as the clues continued to surface via USB flash drives with "leaks" of songs and photos, the concept became clearer. To date the story of the album, for the album is that its about a near apocalyptic world/society to which it faces it humanity and its end. The album presents a bleek and disturbing world of lost identity, individuality, and simple human morality.

In short, the way our world maybe headed.

And as I sit here listening to the entire album for the first time, I have never been so impressed and flabberghasted by an artist such as Reznor. This album as a whole is a solid achievement to his creativity, durablity as an artist and his true devotion to music as an art form. Year Zero is absolutely NOTHING like any of he previous works. New sounds, new textures, and a whole new feel to the music itself. Each song is literally different in all aspects. It stands on its own as single sold bold piece of art for ears but at the same time it has brought to the forefront a message of warning, of caution. And the message it conveys really makes me think about how the our society is head towards. Heady I know.

I have to say I never been so excited about music until now.

So please, go take a listen if you have a curiousity to scratch. I can't guarantee you will like it but it will at least be interesting for you.

Advanced Notice to all San Diegan Friends

2007-04-03T00:04:00.000-04:00

So, its April. That means my birthday time is coming around. And thanks to his Lord of Darkness (my co-worker Mike) a brilliant plan has been formed and seems to be solidifying. That weekend is the Escondido Renassaince Faire and your's truly with the mister in tow will be joing a band of mad pirates and invading it. I think we will be heading to the Saturday event and if its good enough we will go there Sunday as well.

Also that Saturday night is Club De Sade so if the rompings of the faire don't blister our feet and send us awash into our beds, then maybe we will hit that too.

Now as I type this I am trying to make a mad dash in getting my ensemble together.

So, anyone up for it?

When a girl has a bad week...

2007-04-01T14:39:00.000-04:00

Most normal ladies do things like get their hair done or get their nails done when they have a bad week or something. Me? I do things like this...

Yes that's right, I get a piercing. This one I've been wanting for a while but the stress of things in life just made me itch to get one on Saturday. Our wonderful friend Brandan introduced me to one of his friends Jessica who works a Jade Tattoo and Piercing in Hillcrest. She is a really awesome piercer, extremely maticulous. She really took her time to make sure that the piercing was right. I have to say I was really happy with the results. Looks like she maybe become my regular piercer.

Only down side to this, I keep forgetting the I got the septum pierced and I keep touching or wiping my nose without thinking. Sometimes its a ouchie and sometime is a god damn OUCH!

It's going to be a long few weeks of healing.

Marriage, The Grind, and Costco... ALL IN ONE!

2007-03-28T21:43:00.000-04:00

Okay so its ten days into this brand spanking new marriage and its still pretty and shining! Yay to that! We have already done a few 'married couple' stuff (as the Mister calls it now) and well... it just stuff. Must of it was fun!

But the question I have been getting a lot lately is "Sooo, how is married life?" Like what something is suppose to be different overnight? Am I missing something? Or do I have it right when I say "It's as good as the day I first met him"? I honestly don't feel any different. Is there something wrong with me? But nonetheless, I am getting quite bored of that question.

As some of you may or may not know, two days after the wedding I went back to work. Ugh. The Grind literally. I don't I would go back to such chaos but the day after I get back to work, two people didn't show and one was late for work by three and a half hours. Yeah, welcome back. Now things are almost back to normal with the added attachment of facility drama/politics. But I will get back to that later when things come to a head in the next few weeks. Oh yeah it will I asure you.

Now along with getting back to work, we are also getting back into the things of daily life. One of which was finally shoping at Costco (for you old timers, Price Club). OMG! Talk about the ultimate symbol of consumerism. I don't think I have ever been to a place where I realize that as a human being I am utterly a gluttonous hog. Who the hell needs a stick of butter that is the size of your head. 45 lbs of coffee?!? C'mon! But as I strolled through the isles of this warehouse gwaking at the ridiculously oversized items while think "How the hell am I going to use all this?!" I saw something that made me smile. Then it gave me a giggle. Then I went into an all out laughing fest.

(This is where you will think that I am crazy.)

My eyes land on this:

Yes folks, its a box of Splenda. No, I mean a BOX of Splenda. You know how you go to the grocery store and you see the Splenda its about the size of a paperback book. Well this thing is a foot tall, ten inches wide and six inches deep making the world largest box of SPLENDA (well at least in MY world). Now for those of you who don't know me to well, I adore Splenda. Just like confectioner's sugar but no calories. I cook with it, I put it in my tea and coffee and if I could I would pour it on the mister and LICK it off of him. You wouldn't believe how stupidly happy I got over a gaint box of sweetner. I already pulled the two huge bags of Splenda inside of it but I am keeping the box just cause it so damn HUGE. The things that make me happy are sometime the stupid things (if not the stupidest people).

And yes, I am giggling right now as I am typing this entry and looking at the HUGE FREAKING Splenda box to my left.

Mawiage

2007-03-19T15:44:00.000-04:00

Mrs. and Mr.

Yeah, we got hitched. And now there are 800 photos to go through, edit and print. I love that everyone brought their cameras with them. The above photo is one of many awesome shots by some really awesome friends.

Thank you all for making our day so memorable and for sharing it with us!

Do I make any sense??

2007-03-17T03:04:00.000-04:00

Its 12:06am on the Saturday morning and I am lit out of my fucking mind. I think this is the second time I have been so damn drunk. And I am really liking it. Too bad though that tomorrow I will be exhibiting the signs of alcohol allergy. I better get ready to itch like a motherfucker.

The road to getting me lit for this evening:

1 Pint of Black and Cider (served only at Shakespear's Pub here in SD)
2 shots of Jagermister (Thank you Tom and Brennan)
1 shot of Stoli (Thank you again Brennan)

And yeah, I am basically a lighter.

Now I am going to attempt to play Guild Wars doing a Tombs farming run in this condition. Lets see if I can piss a few player off =P

3 More Days

2007-03-15T03:21:00.000-04:00

The wedding is in 3, count them T H R E E, days and I still feel that I have not gotten everything done or that I am forgetting something major. I just KNOW it.

In the meantime, the guest list grew without me knowing and I am just going to stay calm and hope and pray we don't run out of food and alcohol.

Shit, I just remembered that we have to give the baker directions to the reception hall. UGH! Oh, I just remembered that we have yet to order the hot foods. Double UGH!

In the meantime I am watching Mythbusters FANATICALLY trying to stay calm. Nothing like science, huge explosions and a bald guy with rimless glasses to keep me calm. Okay, feeling the urge to find another episode to watch right... about... NOW.

Now Playing: Nine Inch Nails' Survivalism Video

2007-03-07T23:05:00.000-05:00

Released this evening at the London concert via a USB flash drive, the video is interesting to say the least.

Click here to watch!

Yes folks, that is two men having sex. Yes, that's a pair of tits you are seeing.

Damnit it like NEXT WEEKEND.

2007-03-06T20:16:00.000-05:00

Yeah, I got a bit of a reality check today.

So normally at work I write the day's date about seven million times (actually about 15 depending on what the day's work load is) and it really hit me that I am getting married in 12 days. And you know what, I still got LOTS of shit to do. EEK!

I am really getting married. Again.

Wow.

And apparently when I came to this realization at work, a few co-workers saw me make a face that they just could not stop laughing at. Apparently it was a really strange facial expression to the point where one girl laughed so hard that her pregnant belly was hurting.

Anyways, most of the major stuff has been done. Flowers ordered, dress being hemmed and finished, favors are being put together, half of the stuff for the reception purchased, etc.

Now, we just have to figure out if we can make it to Frisco for honeymoon.

After a long and somewhat shitty week...

2007-03-03T02:49:00.000-05:00

Thanks to the Mister Felixx and Brandan's awesome (and really fucking huge) flat panel tv/computer monitor, I was introduced to the wonderful world of Ninjai : The Little Ninja.

For those who have an affinity for anime, this is the best kind; independent, strikingly beautiful, very well conceived and executed. And the images are down right fucking AWESOME. I am soo entranced by this little saga that I am seriously considering devoting my entire lower left leg to Ninjai in a tattoo potrayal. But there is a small snag to that... I may have to wait till the entire story is done and if I am not mistaken the first chapter came out in 2001 and they are only up to chapter TWELVE.

Ugh.

Well... maybe I could start it and add a piece each time something from each chapter catches my eye. We shall see what I can come up with in the next six to eight months.

Also, I decided that I am gonna go back to doing a bit of massage therapy on the side as a way to brush up on my skills again. But since I am not licensed in the state of Cali to practice that means I can not accept any form of monetary payment for my services. In other words, free massages for all who would like them when I have the time to do it. And if I really like you enough to make you feel better =)

I was thinking about this today that one of my credit cards that I am still paying off after who knows how many years that I am technicially wasting my money paying it back. You see I used it about 8 or 9 years ago to pay my way through massage school and I don't think I ever made a cent back from it. Well, I think it time to put the skill I learned and still remember to use for something. And if I fell that I enjoy it and can do a good job, I may go do a few refresher courses and maybe get liscensed in Cali. Just so I have something small on the side for those fically tight moments.

So yeah, who wants a massage?

(For all you male readers out there, if you mention any words remotely close to "happy" and "ending", just remember that there are things called "pressure" and "points" and I still know how to manipulate them so that you can shit all your internal organs out of your ass.)

Oh man... its been a while.

2007-02-24T11:48:00.000-05:00

I got a bit 'lit' last night and let me tell you when you have been for a while, it really hurts the next morning. But compared to most people, this was my road to getting lit:

1 Mike's Hard Apple Cider (should have skipped this one but it was damn tasty).
2 shots of Stoli Vodka (oh the memories of dinner at Zhenia's house where I got my taste for vodka).
2 shots of Jagermeister (it maybe herbal but damn it packs a punch trailing the other two).

I would have gone for more vodka but I was really starting to fall asleep. And it didn't help that they have John Water's Polyester on the tv most of the night. I was drunk enough to stare at it but not drunk enough to enjoy it. Then I think at some point they put on This is Spinal Tap and I tried so hard to stay awake to watch it but I failed.

Okay, back to waking up.

Interesting to say the least....

2007-02-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

So far this has happened...

Three new NIN songs has been "leaked" and now the official album cover is out and there is a preview video. Now I am just waiting on US tour dates.

Its been confirmed that I am getting a promotion at my job, but with a cost.

Felixx has the possibility to work for Microsoft but its in SEATTLE.

And my horoscope as of today read as follows: "Today is a day that will go down in your personal history as the most interestingly eventful day."

HUH? *chuckles*

Is that not the vaguest horoscope ever?? It's like a moebious strip and it's got my head so wrapped around that I have NO CLUE as to what the hell it means. I guess that is what they are meant for.

Going to a birthday party... Happy Birthday Joe and JR!

Kaiser + Vacuum = 38 Inch vertical jump

2007-02-20T21:51:00.000-05:00

I nearly peed myself laughing so hard from Felixx's blog entry.

Yeah, he jumped without even knocking my red towel off.

Public Service Announcement

2007-02-15T02:04:00.000-05:00

A track from the upcoming new Nine Inch Nails album entitled Year Zero has been leaked thanks to a bathroom in Lisbon and a USB drive. The track is called My Violent Heart.

You know how to get a hold of me for a more 'indepth' experience.

*End of Announcement*

Okay, another reason to be excited about SUMMER

2007-02-08T22:16:00.000-05:00

The seventh and last book, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows is set to be released on July 21st!

Between reading this and boogieboarding, my summer is pretty much set! Now I just have to schedule to have the 21st-23rd off from work...

Now if NIN decides to tour the US shortly there after, I would just about die in happiness.

Stick a fork in me...

2007-02-06T21:39:00.000-05:00

Work. Is. KILLING. Me.

SLOWLY.

I don't think I have ever been so stressed out at a job than I am in this one. There isn't one thing that doesn't hurt or that isn't bruised to high hell. This is the second night in a row that I have been getting home at 6:30 instead of my usual 3:30. And with all the shit that is coming up, I won't be coming home my normal time anytime soon.

I was so distract with work today that I ran head long into Micky, the IT guy. Now he has material to make fun of me for the rest of the time I am there.

On an interesting note: Yesterday I got a voicemail from someone over at UCSD in regards to a resume that I submitted back in August of last year. That's right, in 2006! And yesterday was the first time I have heard from ANYONE over at UCSD in over 5 months. Wow, things do move REALLY slow here in terms of the job market.

I am thinking about calling them back.

REALLY tempted.

9pm edit: I am now officially DRINKING.

Now Playing: What else is there by Royksopp

2007-02-05T03:05:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Felixx's new found fixation on the Geico Caveman commercials, I found a band that I am going to enjoy. They are called Royksopp (the 'o' after the R is suppose to have two dots above it but I don't know how to do that on an american keyboard). They are a Norwegian band whose's song Remind Me is featured in the Geico commercial where the caveman is riding on an airport mover and gets indignent afters seeing a advert that says "Geico: Its so easy a cave man can do it." There is just something about their music that is really calling to me. Their style of music is so diverse that it actually is interesting to listen to. Its classified as Techno/Electronica but it much more layered and not the typical repeative shit you hear at raves. Here's one of my favorite songs of theirs that I am currently fixated on.

If you find this intriquing enough, go look them up. They have more videos on YouTube.

*loads song into iPod*

Damn, that went by fast....

2007-01-22T01:58:00.000-05:00

This weekend that is.

On the wedding front, this weeked we did a TON of things. First we reserved the tux for the Groomsman and Best Man as well as the Runner of the Bride (lol inside GuildWars joke). Hopefully the guys will get themselves fitted ASAP. My wedding dress has finally arrived and now I need to meet with a seamstress to do the modifications that I wanted. We also met with a florist that is giving us a bid quote for flowers and so far it looking like its going to cost a lot. Never thought purchasing flower could be sooo expensive.We also went to several places and looked on several sites to locate a baker for our wedding cake. And so far only one looks affordable enough to go with. The others were either too expensive and one in particular said that they did not deliver on Sundays. Way to loose business.

Now since we have changed the location of the reception, we also are now free to choose who ever we wish to cater our reception. Today we went to Cosco (with the idea originally from Jean) to price all of our alcohol, drinks, supplies and appetizers. Then we went to a particular chinese restuarant to have dinner to see if we like the food and if the prices are affordable to cater. We will be hitting up about two more restuarants before we decide on a caterer. And finally we found a really great place to buy decorations for the wedding and reception but unfortunately the store was closed. But from the window we found a few things that we could get to use. We will hit that place next weekend.

Why do I get the feeling that I am still missing out a ton of stuff?

That's pretty much it on the wedding front.

Oh, yes... something else. Apparently I know a few people that are kind of pissed that they moved Battlestar Galatica to Sundays at 10pm. Guess what folks? Thanks to our satalite, we can watch it at 7pm our time. That's right, no need to stay up late. So, how does BG Sundays sound to you guys at our place?

And starting Monday, no more flex hours at work. I now have to work a full day on fridays thanks to the company's continual insistance on loading the facility with new projects but refusing to hire one new person. Here's to me being continually exhusted! Yay.

Okay bed time.

Okay a few things...

2007-01-15T20:52:00.000-05:00

Due to personal reasons, I will not be playing Guild Wars much if any at all. As a matter a fact, I am looking to sell my extensive account. Currently I have someone willing to pay $250 for my account but he has yet to show with the money. If you are interested in buying my account and can beat this guy's offer, then email me or leave me a comment on how to get a hold of you. If you want to know more about the account, let me know as well.

Second, the wedding reception will be changed to a different locations. And all that is due to the cost that this is taking. So we may have the reception in a nice club house with a choice of our caterer instead of what we are limited to in the museum.

My wedding dress STILL hasn't arrived and by Thursday it will be 10 days since they have shipped it. If it doesn't get here by then I will be making some phone calls. On the other hand Felixx's coat is here now we just have to get it from UPS. God, I hope it fits properly.

As the wedding draws closer, I am getting more anxious only because I want things to go right. I still have TONS of things to do and I feel like I don't have either the money or the time to do it. Soon I will enter panic mode and its not going to be pretty.

In the meantime, I am still working my ass of at this job, waiting for my promotion. I was last week that I will be promoted in Feburary after all inspections are done with the facility. Here's to AALAC and IACUC inspections! *gulps down a shot of vodka*

And I found out where Felixx wants to take me for our honeymoon: SAN FRANCISCO, specifically Chinatown. Now I am gonna need more money to EAT through there. Hehehe!

Three things combined only in my dreams...

2007-01-03T02:12:00.000-05:00

Until now...

At first this only happened in my little fantasy music world where I could have whatever concert I want.

Then I saw this...

Oh you should have seen the goosepimples I developed after I saw this.

(For those that have no idea what that is, its a soundcheck performance of Trent Reznor, Peter Murphy [of Bauhaus] and TV on the Radio performing a song called Dreams)

New Years with a Visitor...

2006-12-30T00:15:00.000-05:00

Patty is here finally! We didn't get to spend it with her for Christmas but at least we are going to ring in the new year with her!

As for New Years itself, we are not sure what we will be doing. Sabbat maybe an option for Saturday but as for New Years Eve, its still up in the air.

To be honest, I wouldn't mind having a nice quite new years eve. I am still wreaked from work to the point where I can't even form coherent sentences. Do you know how much strenght writing this blog is taking me? And not to mention my mental processes are getting slower as the night gets later.

Why do I get the feeling that its a sign of something else?

Well, what ever it is, it will probably end up on my New Years Resolution list. Speaking of which...

Super Grand Spanking New Years Resolution of 2007 (AKA The List of Things To Accomplish Instead of Just SAY that you will do it)

Get my LATG certification
Enroll in Veterianary Techinican Degree with Penn Foster College
Survive planning our wedding
Keep kicking Felixx's butt
(the obligatory) Lose weight
Keep my car up and running
Go to a NIN concert and get the guitar signed
Save enough money to buy a house for 2008

Okay if I put anymore, I will end up looking like an overachiever and end up being an underachiever.

If it comes out in 2007 I will be kept busy...

2006-12-24T19:43:00.000-05:00

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is the official title Book 7 and is the final of the series. Yeah, if it does come out next year, I will be tremediously delighted and kind of sad at the same time.

Also the movie of Book 5 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix come out July 17th, 2007. The trailer looks promising and they kept enough hidding that it makes me salivate for more.

Along with those two things, I also have my wedding, hopefully a promotion, and the start of a nice new year.

News on the wedding front: I ordered my wedding dress but it hasn't gotten here yet. Next thing I have to do is get a seamstress to work with me cause I am going to need a few adjustments made to it. In January, we will be taking bids from caterers for the wedding. Part of the bids will be some taste testing. Then hopefully by the second week of January we will have a caterer selected.

Everyone say HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATTY! See ya soon Mom!

That's all for now!

Another Saturday...

2006-12-16T21:10:00.000-05:00

Well I got my engagement back today from the Golden Seashell and it fits like a gilded glove! I loved it when I first got it even though it didn't fill very well but now I just adore it even more. *stares at ring*

Today we also got to look at the wax casting of what eventually will be the mister's wedding band with the diamonds and metal from my mom's ring and it was gorgeous. I can't wait to see the finished results, which should be sometime next week. I may also have them do a custom piece with some of my mother's remaining jewelry if I have the dough for it.

Did a bit of minor Christmas shopping. We decided that this year we really can't afford to give presents due to the wedding. But at least we are making our own christmas cards again. We may send out some candy with it so... if you are good, you may get one =)

Anyone up for going to De Sade tonight? Message me via phone or myspace.

Going to get some tea for my upset tummy!

Wedding update...

2006-12-09T20:05:00.000-05:00

First, I think I found my wedding dress. At first I thought I was going to buy this $900 gown but then I found something else that just made did a double take. It's a lot less expensive but it's simple and gorgeous. I think I will have to make a few modifications to it but it going to be very beautiful nonetheless. I think I am still going to need a corset for it though. Not sure yet. I will know more when I get the dress.

And thanks to Michelle, we found a place not only get my engagment ring properly sized but to also custom create Felixx's wedding with the stones from one of my mother's old rings. And the price was ridiculously low. So thank you Michelle!

Now, the catering is the next thing we need to work on. The invitations are being finalized and we should be sending them out in January.

Three things actually...

2006-12-08T19:54:00.000-05:00

Please update your quicktime and then click on this piece of cinematic beauty. Yeah, I am gushing with joy over this long awaited film. And what get's me going further is that fact that the trailer features a song from my favorite NIN album. *squeals of joy*

Speaking of NIN, there is a new live DVD coming out in Feb. 27th, 2007 entitled Beside You in Time. Click clicky. And expect an new album in April. *double squeals of joy*

Ten Most Harmful Books of the 19th and 20th Century according to the National Conservative Weekly. Its just makes you want to go read them, doesn't it?

It took just about every ounce of effort to type that. Now I'm gonna go watch that trailer again, then back to rest.

Got this from a Myspace Bulletin

2006-12-04T00:52:00.000-05:00

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 movies, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 movies on this list. Feel free to copy and paste to see how much or a life or there lack of...

(X) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(X) Grease
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean
(X) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man's Chest
(X) Boondock Saints
(X) Fight Club
() Starsky and Hutch
( ) Neverending Story
(X) Blazing Saddles
(X) Airplane
TOTAL: 8

() The Princess Bride
() AnchorMan
() Napoleon Dynamite
(X) Labyrinth
(X) Saw
(X) Saw II
( ) Saw III
( ) White Noise
(x) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
( ) The Princess Diaries
( ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
TOTAL: 5

( ) Scream
( ) Scream 2
( ) Scream 3
( ) Scary Movie
( ) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
( ) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp

(X) Harry Potter 1
(X) Harry Potter 2
(X) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
(x) Resident Evil 1
(x) Resident Evil 2 <>
() The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
( x) The Village
() Lilo & Stitch
TOTAL: 7

(X) Finding Nemo
() Finding Neverland
(X) Signs
( ) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
(x) Butterfly Effect
( ) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
TOTAL: 2

(X) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
() KingPin
( ) Never Been Kissed
(X) Meet The Parents
( x) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
(X) KING KONG
TOTAL: 4

( ) A Cinderella Story
( ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
( ) Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
(x) Halloween
( ) The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
( ) Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber
TOTAL: 2

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
() Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
() From Hell
(x ) Hellboy
(X) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
TOTAL: 2

(x) The Day After Tomorrow
(x) Child's Play
( ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( ) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
( ) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
(x) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
TOTAL: 4

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Sleven
(x) Ocean's Eleven
(x) Ocean's Twelve
(X) Bourne Identity
(X) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
(x) Predator I
(x) Predator II
( ) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
TOTAL: 6

(X) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(X) ET
(x) Children of the Corn
( ) My Boss's Daughter
( ) Maid in Manhattan
(x) War of the Worlds
(x) Rush Hour
(x) Rush Hour 2
TOTAL: 6

( ) Best Bet
( ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
( ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girl
( ) Sideways
() Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
( ) Ever After
(X) Wizard of Oz
(X) Forrest Gump
(x) Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator
(x) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
TOTAL: 5

(X) X-Men
(X) X2
(X) X-3
(x) Spider-Man
(X) Spider-Man 2
( ) Sky High
( ) Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( ) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
( ) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
( ) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(X) Shrek
(X) Shrek 2
TOTAL: 8

( ) Swimfan
( ) Miracle on 34th street
() Old School
( ) The Notebook
( ) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
( ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
(X) The 40-year-old-virgin
( ) Tristan and Isolde
TOTAL: 1

(X) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(X) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(X) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(X) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(X) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(X) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
TOTAL: 6

( ) Love And Basketball
( ) Hostel
( ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
(x) Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
(x) American History X
( ) Three
TOTAL: 3

( ) The Jacket
(x) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(X) Monster inc.
(X) Titanic
(X) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(X) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
TOTAL: 5

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
(X) Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
() Chronicle Of Narnia The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(X) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
(x) Waterworld
TOTAL: 4

(X) Kill Bill vol 1
(X) Kill Bill vol 2
(x) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
(x) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
(x) Army of Darkness
TOTAL: 5

(X) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(X) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(X) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(X) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(X) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(X) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor
TOTAL: 6

(X) The Matrix
(X) The Matrix Reloaded
(X) The Matrix Revolutions
(X) Animatrix
(X) Evil Dead
(X) Evil Dead 2
() Team America World Police
( ) Red Dragon
(X) Silence of the Lambs
(X) Hannibal
TOTAL: 8

Grand Total for my dorkness: 97 Movies

Yeah, I love my movies.

Wedding Plans update...

2006-12-02T12:29:00.000-05:00

Okay so we booked Evernham Hall and the chapel with a nice hefty deposit. But we had to change the time to go with the museum's schedule. So the ceremony will be at 5pm instead of 3pm and the reception is right after at 6pm.

The next step is getting the guest list down to a managable and affordable size and we should have that finished by Monday. Afterwards I will beginning email and calling catering companies for bids to do our reception. Along with that we are also going to be finalizing the final concept of what we will be serving at our reception.

Felixx's attire for the wedding will be completed by the end of this month and I have yet to even START having mine made. I am having so much trouble finding what I want. Hell, I can even find a decent seamstress. Hopefully something will land in my way. Or else I will have to get something off a rack. If I can even find it in the right color.